In love today...

From the two phone calls from dear friends last night just after midnight (hoping to be the first to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day!), to the Valentine's note from my sister in Colorado at 1am, to the conversation with my daughter first thing this morning, to the chocolates that were delivered from a best friend today at lunch time... I am abundantly reminded why my life so special.

Today I am conscious of all the love that surrounds me and am feeling extremely grateful. Happy Valentine's Day!

Attitude of empowerment

This is craziness! I teach empowerment. I live empowerment (as much as possible, anyway!) And I still have to remind myself what I’m doing when I’m blaming others for not doing what they are “supposed” to be doing for me.

One thing that gets to me is when people don’t do what they say. They say they are going to do something, and so, that is what I expect. Ohhhh, expectations! Those can get me in trouble. Well, not in trouble, rather cause me much frustration. So within the last week or so, I find myself expecting that in these two particular cases on the top of my head right now, that these people will do what they say they are going to do. But they have not!

So over the last couple of days, I find myself talking to myself. What is going on? What do I need to do to convince them to do what they said they are going to do?

All of the talking in my head was about them, them, them… and their effects on me!

Now, if a client of mine were to tell me what I was telling myself, I would have had an answer immediately. I would have told him/her to look and him/herself. There’s no power in victimhood. And there's little chance of trying to get someone to do something you want them to do, and still be at peace about it. See? That was easy. Then I would have followed up with more about what an empowered person would do in such a situation.

Well, sometimes that is what it takes—pretending that I am my own client. I realized that if I am having such a hard time at being empowered, then looking at it from the point of why I am attracting such behavior should at least help me change my attitude. I can simply create the attitude of empowerment for myself. In other words, maybe “fake it until I make it”.

So this is what I’m working on for myself for today. I am changing my attitude. I'm going to stop looking for ways to get these people to do what I want them to do and focus on who I need to be in order to attract what I want. I admit, sometimes it’s just difficult to feel empowered. But changing my attitude is a good first step to getting back to that place. Now, maybe I’ll find a little peace in knowing that in this moment, all is as it should be. I can tell, I'm feeling better already :-)

All is well!!

My Guardian Alvin

When I was a little girl, I recall my grandma telling me the story of the first day my dad took me home—at eight days old, my home was to be where my 21 year old unmarried father still lived with his mother and his brother. These three, my dad, my grandma and my uncle, were to become my primary parent/guardians while growing up.

My Uncle Alvin never married nor had any children of his own, and eventually became my grandmother’s caretaker until she died in 1996. Since I was in the same house for many of my childhood years, my uncle also became like a second dad to me. I remember at seven years old, my uncle taking me to get my ears pierced. I remember him taking me school clothes shopping several times. At sixteen, he even took me to buy a car because it was easier for me to have my own so as he wouldn’t have to rush home every day from work to take me to my after school job at JC Penney’s.

My uncle would simply do anything for me. I always knew he loved me greatly and to this day I cannot even imagine how I could ever repay him for all he’s done for me. Even though it was clear to everyone all my uncle did for me, as my grandma got older she would always be sure to tell me that I was to take care of my uncle when he got older. That was a must! Of course I will, replying to her demand. That is the least I could do!

My uncle was always so young looking though. As a single guy, he was always going out and having fun. He even drove a Porsche for several years. So while everyone gets older, it was really hard to imagine MY uncle getting old.

But he is older now. He has been sick on and off for several years now, but always seems to bounce back as good as ever. Or maybe that is what I just want to believe. These days he lives alone (with his little dog) an hour and a half away from me. There’s very little that worries me in life, except for my uncle being alone and being sick.

This past week he got very ill. Last Monday when I spoke to him on the phone, I knew he sounded bad. I offered to take him to the doctor, but being the man who has always taken care of ME, he said not to worry about him. But I could not sleep that night worrying so much about him. So I called him the next morning to check on him again. This time he asked me to take him to the doctor. If he asked, then I just knew he was bad. I couldn’t get there fast enough. He’s just so far away. By the time I got there and walked in to get him, he was standing there so thin with the weakest look on his face. My heart just sank.

To make a long story short, he was in the hospital for about five days. I drove back and forth from my home to his home almost every day making sure he was ok, his dog was ok, as well as to take care of my obligations at home. It was very tiring, but it was simply what was needed.

The doctors at the hospital were wonderful and got him back on track to getting healthy again. And he was finally well enough to go home on Saturday. As I left him tonight to come home for a couple of days, I felt a little relieved that things should be ok again for awhile. I worry, but will continue to do my best to make sure I’m there for him as much as possible.

However, typical as our relationship goes, it is always my uncle who wants to take care of me. I sometimes feel guilty because I owe him so much, and he should not still be trying to take care of his 41 year old niece! But as sick as he was, he insisted on giving me money to pay for my gas for all the trips I was making back and forth. When I told him that I was eating fast food, he told me to take some of his money and go sit down at a restaurant to eat. Of course I didn’t, but I knew he just wanted to make sure I was eating well. I want so much to make sure that I now do what I can for my uncle, and sometimes hope that my grandma wouldn’t disapprove of the job I am doing these days when it comes to my uncle. But I realized that as long as he can, my uncle will always be my guardian. He’s my parent. He loves me and he will always want to take care of me. And if that means giving me some money to pay for my gas or to eat a meal, then he’s doing what makes him happy… to take care of Donna.

I often complain about my childhood. I didn’t enjoy it, not because it was so bad, but because I didn’t appreciate it. I am reminded this week how blessed I was and still am to have my Uncle Alvin. As I see him getting better today, I so wish he could always be this way. I simply don’t know what I would do without him and hate even thinking about it.

But today all is well, thankfully. And today is all that matters!