I don’t really have many long-time friends. Most of my close friends I’ve just met within the last few years. I love that I’m making more friends all the time, but in a conversation I had last night with my friend Jenny, I realized why it’s not always been this way for me. I recalled some not-so-funny things about myself and in my past behavior that actually made me burst out in laughter as I talked about it. I guess I’ve transformed so much over the last few years that I can now actually see the humor in it all!Basically, I was admitting that I wasn’t a very happy person even when I owned For Your Journey. I had gotten divorced a couple of years before, and still really hadn’t gotten over it. I think it literally took me about 4 or 5 years to get over that crap. It’s embarrassing to admit, but true. I think my ex-husband went on and remarried before I could even start dating again on a regular basis.
Anyway, during the first part of my transformation—from the time I divorced to the time I opened FYJ—I had made major personal progress in who I was becoming. In that time, I had realized that everything had happened for a reason. I had come to believe that I attracted my life circumstances based on how I viewed the world. And basically, that view stemmed from the pain I experienced when I was younger. So, in all the work I had done on myself during and after the divorce, I had already felt a huge sense of relief in my new belief that there were solutions to my unhappiness.
So, I opened For Your Journey. I called it an
Well, things didn’t exactly happen as I had imagined. I got a lot of unexpected attention when I opened FYJ. I simply thought people would shop, read books, and take classes on their own. But surprising to me, many looked to me for help. I, however, was still in the beginning stages of my own self-discovery, and not yet completely over my own unhappiness. And so, I don’t think I had the ability to appreciate the attention as much as I could have.
Jenny, who met me shortly after my opening of the place and who worked for me, and who is also now one of my closest friends, has been the one who has seen most of my transformation since those days. So when I admitted to her that I had been so unhappy even during those days of having the store, to my surprise, she agreed. She said yes, you were like a “muscle” (I think she meant strong and stubborn) and also said I was like a “dark cloud”. This is when I started cracking up! She was right, but what made me laugh so much, I told her, is that despite being such a “dark cloud” during those days, somehow I still had the ability to bring something very special into the world, make such a difference, and inspire people! It’s not like I was such a miserable person every single day. There’s always been some goodness within me. However, I realized just how amazing it is what I did during that time, especially now that I feel like such a different person even since then.
I ended that part of our conversation with… “Just imagine if I were to create FYJ from where I am now!?!” We both sighed with imagination.
I am not in the space of wanting to open FYJ again at the moment. It was a special time for many people, and for Jenny and I especially. There are so many good memories from those days, and if it weren’t for that experience I wouldn’t be the so much happier person I am today. Easily within the first few months after closing FYJ, I lost 15 lbs without even trying. To me, that represents lots of different kinds of “weight” I’ve lost since then. I’m still grouchy and moody at times, no doubt. But overall, I feel lighter, brighter, younger, and simply more joyful these days.
Now, I'm filled with even more imagination of what I have the ability to create from here… What a great (and funny) life this is!!
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