More to say...

Well, maybe taking a break from blogging wasn't such a good idea. I have had lots to say and no way to get it out when I wasn't writing, ha! Just kidding!

All is very well, so I'll be back very soon...

Life is good and I am extremely grateful!

Deliberate and stress-free

This morning started out just as I wanted... lied around until I felt like taking a shower and then getting out for the day. I got my car washed and then hung out at the bookstore for awhile. I was pleasantly surprised to run into a former customer from my FYJ days. She's doing well and it was so nice to hear about her personal growth since I've last heard from her. It continues to be such a great reminder that the place I created had such a positive impact in so many people's lives.

Later I went to my friend's house. As she fixed dinner, I simply hung out, drank wine, and shared my usual stories. We had a very enjoyable time as always, that is until...

She has a new WII. Is that from Nintendo? I think so. Anyway, it's a video game. I'm sure most people of this world know about and enjoy this game! But I don't. In my distant past, I'm sure I tried playing something at some point, but I'm simply not interested. Today, as my enthusiastic friend encouraged me to play her new game, all I ended up feeling was stressed out. I was supposed to be having fun and enjoying myself, but I didn't!

I played several games, but finally decided to stop. I liked playing the games in order to get the right answers. And at the level I was playing that was fairly easy. However, I quickly realized that although I enjoyed the challenge of trying to get the right answers, it was being timed that I didn't like. I just didn't enjoy feeling as though I had to race against the clock. I simply wanted to go at my own pace and get the right answer.

So, of course, how I was feeling then led me to self-reflect on how I like to do other things. As I've shared before, I don't like to be stressed out. In fact, it's rare that I do stress, simply because I don't like the feeling. So playing the video games today, and getting stressed out by them, gave me a lot to think about myself. In life, I like to feel as though I make the best decisions for myself. I'm deliberate in how I do almost everything. I like to feel as though I'm making the right choice, regardless of how long it takes to make it. At this point in my life, I no longer compare myself to anyone else, or compare how I live with how anyone else lives. I simply follow that which feels best for me. But if I'm feeling rushed or feeling as though I have to make a quick decision, I get stressed out!

Believe me, I do many things quickly. I talk fast. I walk fast. I definitely drive fast. And I do much of my work fast. But if there's something I have to do, and I don't necessarily know how to do it well, then I need time. And in order to get a good score in a video game, I don't have time!

Well, this certainly is no major topic, rather just today's interesting self-observation. I'm not stressed at this moment (the wine helped!) And I'm definitely not upset about anything either. It's actually been a pretty good day. I'm simply perfectly content to never play a video game again! : )

Thankfully, the weekend is not over yet. One more day to do something stress-free! Yeah!!

I set it up this way

It’s only the Saturday of a three-day weekend and I already know it’s a great weekend. I’m not even getting all three days off from work either. In fact, I worked a bit today and plan on working some on Monday as well. I’m not required to work, rather made a choice to do so.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been busier than usual. I usually have an easy schedule in which I have plenty of time to come home at the end of my day, hang out for awhile, go to the gym, meet friends for coffee, or simply come home and take a nap! But my days really haven’t been that way lately. In fact, I haven’t even been to the gym in about two weeks!

The other day as I was complaining to my daughter about being tired, I said that I needed a break, to which she responded by saying, “Your whole life is a break!” We laughed, because that’s pretty much true. I have set it up to be exactly this way. I love this particular time in my life. I’ve already raised my daughter and am not currently in a serious relationship, so all my time is my own. I enjoy doing only what I want to do and when I want to do it.

However, when I’m not remembering how I’ve set up my life to be (for this point in time), I often think about the areas of my life that are not as I want them to be. I think about who’s not doing what I want them to do or what’s not happening as I think it should be happening. But when I really look at my life and lifestyle as I’ve now set it up, I realize that I really do love it the way it is. This doesn’t mean I will want it exactly this way forever. But I know when I want it to be different I can set it up another way. After all, I do have plenty of options and opportunities.

In a movie I went with my sister to see today, there was a character who was very much enjoying her experience. She simply followed what made her happy. But there came a point in her experience when she started thinking about what she wanted. She stopped following her feelings and started thinking about it, which then made her experience no longer happy to her.

I am reminded of Joseph Campbell’s quote, “Follow your bliss.”

In a conversation with my sister after our movie today, I recalled much of what I’m writing about tonight. I talked about how much I love my life as it is. I talked about how I’ve set up my life to be easy, stress-free, worry-free and very flexible. I talked about how I do whatever I want and whenever I want to do it. I talked about how I simply follow that which makes me happy.

So, this long weekend I have a good opportunity to get things back to how I want them to be. Since I can do whatever, I decided to work a bit extra, go dancing with my friends, go to the movies with my sister, cancel plans to attend a barbeque I was invited to, and to sleep in on Sunday! THIS is how I want it.

Yes, there will always be more that I want out of life. I will always strive for more of this or that, but as my life is today, I love it and I’m grateful.

Tomorrow after sleeping in, because I want to, I will probably just spend the day with myself… maybe lie around for awhile, get my car washed, go to the bookstore, get back to the gym and/or have something special for dinner… We’ll see!

What a great life… just the way I want it!

The Universe works it out

Yesterday was a crazy day, and I found it hard to articulate anything meaningful to say. Today was yet another interesting day, but I’m in a better state of mind to write. And so I’ll try.

All I can say about these days of mine, is that they sure are interesting. Life is pretty cool for me right now, and I find it so amazing to observe it, which is also why I like to write about it. There are so many things that I want to write about though, that sometimes I spend more time trying to figure out which thing to pick for the day, than I actually take to write.

So here’s what I found most interesting today (among some close seconds)…

Today was sort of planned for me. I would go to my office job, go home afterwards and get my uncle some dinner, and then go with my daughter to pick up her wedding dress. It would be a fun day, but I also very much looked forward to the hours after all that was done so as to be able to come home and lay on the couch. I get so little time for that these days!

Well, first I was pleasantly surprised to be able to have lunch with my daughter. We had good conversation and I was very happy to spend the time with her. I looked forward to seeing her later in the day as well, and even though she was starting to complain about a headache, I fully expected to see her a few hours later.

As I wrapped up my day at the office, my daughter called to say her headache got worse, and that she wanted to reschedule her dress appointment until next week. I was initially disappointed for her because she had seemed so excited earlier, but did end up sensing she was fine with her decision to postpone her appointment.

So, ok… I decided to go home and take my uncle out for an earlier dinner. But on my way home I got a call from a friend. He had had a court date today for his divorce and really needed a friend. I agreed to meet him for a quick drink before I actually went home.

When I saw him, he looked sad. We went in the restaurant and sat down. He didn’t want to sit across from me in the booth, rather right next to me. Initially I wasn’t comfortable with that, but he said he needed to be close to his friend. So it was fine. As he talked about his day, and as I saw how upset he was, all I could do was have compassion for him. He is such in a bad emotional place. I listened as he talked about his “failure”, which seemed to bring back my own memories of the days I had like his today. Now healed myself, I so wanted him know that how he feels today is only temporary.

I think I did a good job at balancing my listening, my comforting words, and my words of encouragement for moving on in his life. Although I wouldn’t say he was better by the time we left, he seemed extremely grateful to me for being there for him.

When I came home, my uncle seemed ready to go back to his own home. We talked about what would be best, and it seemed today would be a good day. He packed his things, I took him to dinner, and then made the 3-hour round trip to take him home and back.

As I sit here tonight alone again, doing laundry, writing, and wondering what time I’ll actually get to sleep tonight, I am grateful for how the day actually turned out for me. I don’t wish the headache on my daughter, the pain my friend is going through, or the surgery my uncle is recovering from. I care so much about these people and I only want the best for them. But I’m happy that I am able to be part of their lives. I’m happy that I am able to contribute to them in the best way I know how. I feel the gratitude they have for me, and in return I have it for them as well.

I’m not always good with changes in my plans (just ask my friends!) But the Universe worked out my real plans for today, and I don’t mind at all. I had also planned to lie around my house most of this weekend to catch up on some rest, but have suddenly been invited to many things that it seems my weekend is sure to be full after all. I’ll work out my resting time, because above all, I am happy where I am today and the direction I’m headed… a continuous good life!

My dollar sundae!

I was extremely close to missing my writing tonight. Not that anyone really reads these posts. They are mostly for me. I’m just tracking my personal realizations for awhile to make sure I’m staying focused on living the happiest life possible. And sometimes reading what I wrote helps me see myself clearer… like looking in a mirror.

Anyway, I almost didn’t write a post today. I’m still very tired. But that wouldn’t really have stopped me. I almost didn’t write because I got sick this evening. I don’t usually eat dinner. Living alone, I just pick at whatever I have around the house, or maybe eat a snack at the most. But since my uncle is staying with me I needed to get something for dinner. I had some food left over from Sunday’s party. I’m not sure that it was bad because my uncle is just fine. But I started feeling very uncomfortable soon after I ate. I was thinking that I just over-ate or that maybe because as I was warming up the food, I was snacking on brownies, and that is what was causing my stomach ache. I don’t really know.

But the feeling was getting worse and worse by the moment. I started feeling as though I was going to vomit. And I am an anti-vomit person!! I will do anything I can to avoid that action from taking place. The feeling in my stomach was just getting worse though, and finally I knew I had no choice…

Well, I did what I had to do. Afterwards, I stretched out on my couch quietly moaning from my experience and from the still lingering upset feelings. Yuuuucky. Then, slowly over the last hour or two I started beginning to feel like myself again.

And then even better!

So what suddenly comes to me? I want a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds! I ask my uncle if he wants one and so we get into my car, me in my ponytail, shorts and flip-flops, and he in his pj’s : ) and we hit the drive-thru at McDonalds. I get my dollar hot fudge sundae and he gets a small vanilla shake.

Well, I just finished mine and I feel amazing again!

Sooo, that’s it. I just found something to be very excited and grateful about tonight. Yes, there are many usual things to be happy about, but I found my unique one for the day. Thank goodness for McDonald drive-thru’s and for dollar hot fudge sundaes! I will fall sleep feeling very happy tonight : )

My runaway thoughts

Surprisingly, it’s a bit hard to explain the intense feelings I had earlier today. This is extremely good news actually! As I sit here tonight on my comfy couch, now a bit rested and stress-free, it’s amazing to think how different things were for me just a few hours ago. I have no desire to re-live the feelings I had today. I just thought it would be interesting to write about because so much of my day was spent observing my thoughts… my runaway negative thoughts!

I had to get up at 4am to take my uncle to the hospital. He was having his gall bladder removed. These days, it’s a minor surgery and patients leave the same day. So we were to be at the hospital at 5:30am, which we were. I expected to be there about 4 hours maximum and had even planned on going to work after lunchtime.

But that was not meant to be. First, I was extremely sleepy. I had a very busy weekend and didn’t get enough rest by the time I had to get up this morning. Once I got my uncle situated where he needed to be, I was able to go to my car and get a bit more rest. But two hours later as I went back up to his room, he was still not back from surgery/recovery. The nurse said it would be another hour or two. Fine. I went to the cafeteria and had breakfast, then out to my car for a bit longer. Awhile later, I again went up to the room. Again, I was told an hour or two more.

This was the pattern for most of the mid-morning to lunch time. I kept being told an hour or two more. Apparently my uncle was fine, but the time continued to drag.

Finally, around 12:30pm he was back in his room. But the first thing the nurse said was that he needed to stay until 3pm because the doctor had prescribed another dose of a medicine that needed to be taken then. I had had enough! Important to note, I hate being in hospitals! My uncle has been there so much over the last few years, and even more so this year, that I think I’ve simply run out of tolerance for being there. Honestly, it doesn’t have anything to do with my uncle. I want to help him. I just don’t ever want to go to a hospital again!

So the day was getting extremely frustrating for me. Each time I heard that it would be an hour or two more I felt everything inside of me tense up. I felt as though I was in prison and badly needed to escape. I hadn’t planned on staying there so long, so I didn’t even have a book to read. And my thoughts just kept getting more and more negative as the day progressed.

I was reminded recently that the thoughts we have attract like thoughts. In other words, the type of thoughts one is thinking is immediately followed by other similar thoughts. Good thoughts lead to other good thoughts. And negative thoughts lead to other negative thoughts. And I was definitely having negative thoughts today.

I was thinking how stuck I felt there… which led to thinking how many times I’ve been in a hospital and not liking it… which led to how I wasn’t making any money today because I wasn’t working… which led to thinking how upset I am with certain family members who do not work and who didn’t help out today… which led to thinking about my bigger family problems… which led to how hard my life has been ever since I was born!!!! It was CRAZY!

The funny thing about it all… seriously, it was funny… was that I was fully aware of this runaway thought process. During it, I understood what was happening. I recalled what I had heard about thoughts attracting like thoughts. So I knew what was happening. And it was as though I also had another thought process going on simultaneously. I was amused at what I was doing. I was trying to stop the runaway thinking, and would interrupt it by thinking of something in my life that was going positively. But then, the negative thoughts just came rushing back. I then thought how freeing it would be once I got out of there. I mean, they would eventually have to let us go! I could only imagine! So a moment of peace… then the negative thoughts just came right back.

Eventually it was as though I had two conversations going on in my head at the same time. The one that just wanted to complain about being stuck in that hospital, along with every single other bad thing in my life, and the other one that found it very amusing and simply told Donna to just chill out! Honestly, I did find it amusing among all the chaos going on in my head.

At 4:30pm, 11 hours after we arrived, my uncle was finally discharged. He actually got through his ordeal today very well (yes, I am very aware that he was the one who needed the attention today, not my ridiculous thoughts!) I’ve since brought him home with me so I can keep an eye on him for a couple of days. And now all is well again!

Crazy day… but I’m very happy to report that all the voices in my head are calm tonight! And life is good again. Thank goodness! : )

Simply a great day!

I don't have much time to write a post today, but it's a commitment to myself to put something here--especially because it's been such a great day so far and I have so much to be grateful for. So my happy day definitely needs a mention!

Today was my daughter Dana's bridal shower. I live in a very tiny apartment, so I asked my sister Tracy if she wouldn't mind hosting it at her house. She has a small house as well, but it's very cute, and she also has a nice little garden backyard. My sister is also a gourmet cook. She's not a professional, but she can put together the most amazing and healthy dishes with such little effort (I'd have to hire a caterer to have anything near what she can do!) Check out her blogs to see what she does... http://tracysfoodandthought.blogspot.com/ and http://www.tracyrif.blogspot.com/

Anyway, it was very hot outside today, but despite everyone having to fan themselves off with extra paper plates (Ha!) it was the most perfect party. My daughter has such great friends and they all showed up to show their love and support.

My two best friends, Jenny and Michelle showed up, as well as my brother, who drove his wife down from Rocklin, CA to attend the party. I was so happy to see them as it's so rare that I do these days.

Overall, it was just the best day! Dana is so grown up and moving on in her life so gracefully. I'm so proud that she's found a great guy and that they have such a beautiful life ahead of them.

As for me, I guess I'm just about officially a Mother-of-the-Bride. I cannot believe it. It seems that Dana was just born the other day. Oh well, there's still so many amazing chapters upcoming to experience as well, and I'm looking forward to them!

So I'm off soon to my Uncle's house in Vacaville. He has an early morning minor surgery and needs a ride. So I'll stay the night and be back in town tomorrow. My focus changes in a bit, but all is well and I'm VERY happy!

With gratitude...

Laughing at my unhappy days

I don’t really have many long-time friends. Most of my close friends I’ve just met within the last few years. I love that I’m making more friends all the time, but in a conversation I had last night with my friend Jenny, I realized why it’s not always been this way for me. I recalled some not-so-funny things about myself and in my past behavior that actually made me burst out in laughter as I talked about it. I guess I’ve transformed so much over the last few years that I can now actually see the humor in it all!

Basically, I was admitting that I wasn’t a very happy person even when I owned For Your Journey. I had gotten divorced a couple of years before, and still really hadn’t gotten over it. I think it literally took me about 4 or 5 years to get over that crap. It’s embarrassing to admit, but true. I think my ex-husband went on and remarried before I could even start dating again on a regular basis.

Anyway, during the first part of my transformation—from the time I divorced to the time I opened FYJ—I had made major personal progress in who I was becoming. In that time, I had realized that everything had happened for a reason. I had come to believe that I attracted my life circumstances based on how I viewed the world. And basically, that view stemmed from the pain I experienced when I was younger. So, in all the work I had done on myself during and after the divorce, I had already felt a huge sense of relief in my new belief that there were solutions to my unhappiness.

So, I opened For Your Journey. I called it an Inspirational Center because I wanted everything within its walls to inspire people to discover similar answers for themselves. I never thought I personally had any solutions for people. I simply thought people would seek out their own answers and discover for themselves what I was in the process of discovering for myself.

Well, things didn’t exactly happen as I had imagined. I got a lot of unexpected attention when I opened FYJ. I simply thought people would shop, read books, and take classes on their own. But surprising to me, many looked to me for help. I, however, was still in the beginning stages of my own self-discovery, and not yet completely over my own unhappiness. And so, I don’t think I had the ability to appreciate the attention as much as I could have.

Jenny, who met me shortly after my opening of the place and who worked for me, and who is also now one of my closest friends, has been the one who has seen most of my transformation since those days. So when I admitted to her that I had been so unhappy even during those days of having the store, to my surprise, she agreed. She said yes, you were like a “muscle” (I think she meant strong and stubborn) and also said I was like a “dark cloud”. This is when I started cracking up! She was right, but what made me laugh so much, I told her, is that despite being such a “dark cloud” during those days, somehow I still had the ability to bring something very special into the world, make such a difference, and inspire people! It’s not like I was such a miserable person every single day. There’s always been some goodness within me. However, I realized just how amazing it is what I did during that time, especially now that I feel like such a different person even since then.

I ended that part of our conversation with… “Just imagine if I were to create FYJ from where I am now!?!” We both sighed with imagination.

I am not in the space of wanting to open FYJ again at the moment. It was a special time for many people, and for Jenny and I especially. There are so many good memories from those days, and if it weren’t for that experience I wouldn’t be the so much happier person I am today. Easily within the first few months after closing FYJ, I lost 15 lbs without even trying. To me, that represents lots of different kinds of “weight” I’ve lost since then. I’m still grouchy and moody at times, no doubt. But overall, I feel lighter, brighter, younger, and simply more joyful these days.

Now, I'm filled with even more imagination of what I have the ability to create from here… What a great (and funny) life this is!!

Refocusing

Tonight, my post is shorter than usual. I had written something earlier today, but decided not to share it after all. Not that I’m past sharing such personal stuff (which it very much was) : ) it’s just that no matter how I worded it, I still felt it was coming from a place of lack. And my job right now is to work on abundance!

I’m also very tired right now from all the running around I have been doing this week, staying up late, oversleeping in the mornings, and then getting to work late each day. Luckily my boss has been on vacation! Really, it’s not a problem, but my plan is to get back on track by Monday.

So, what did I want to say today?

I’d just like to quickly share about my own latest reminder. Last night, while talking to a friend about a situation of hers, I realized that what I was telling her very much applied to myself as well. The moment I sense that I am pushing against something I don’t want—meaning I am putting too much thought into how a situation is not the way I want it, and then becoming frustrated by it—it’s best to find a way to release my resistance as soon as I can. I simply need to refocus. Trying to change my mind to not want something that I really do want doesn’t work. I simply have to take the pressure off the disappointment by finding something better to think about. And in thinking about the things in my life that I am happy about or the endless things there are to be grateful for, I easily begin to let go of the frustration of not having what I want in this very moment.

Then, when my focus on lack has diminished, what I do want can begin manifesting. Whew, good thing I chucked the other post I had earlier, and wrote this new one!!

All I want will come to me, this I know. After all, anything is possible!

Until later… : )

I'm good and getting better

I must admit, I am a very good Empowerment Coach! I believe I have always inspired people, whether it was a friend I knew when I was younger, to a co-worker who needed mentoring, to the MANY former customers of For Your Journey (FYJ). I knew closing FYJ to become a life coach was a good idea, because that is what I basically did all day when I had my store anyway… answered people's life questions : ) The difference now, is that I get paid to coach people and I no longer have all the overhead expenses of running a store!

However, while I know I’m good at coaching, I also believe I’m getting better all the time. This week, especially, since working on my own thing (this life/blog project), I have noticed a difference in my coaching. I feel even more connected to my clients. For instance, today, with my teenage male client (I just love him!), as I was talking to him about how to direct his feelings to what he wants to manifest in his life, I began feeling the excitement within myself. I was giving him examples, such as feeling how it would feel if he was doing his sports, or playing his music, or doing his computer thing. Even though I don’t necessarily do the same things he finds enjoyable, I actually became excited simply by describing his possibilities. It was all meant as an example. But as I felt the happiness within myself, for the first time in a new way, I realized the effect of my own coaching. I sensed what my clients must feel when they are imagining doing what I’m suggesting they do. I often see it on their face, but this time I felt it within myself!!

Another surprising experience happened earlier in the week with another client of mine. As I was explaining something (I don’t exactly remember what, but obviously something inspirational about life) I mentioned that when I have a bad day, I do blah, blah, blah…, to which my client looked at with me with surprise and said, “You have them too!?” She was serious. I don’t think she necessarily thought that bad things never happen to me, rather may have believed that bad days don’t really affect me. I was surprised at her question because I am just the same as everyone else. In fact, I may even be more sensitive than many others, which means I feel a heck of a lot of bad feelings at times. I explained that the difference with me, however, is that I don’t stay in the bad feelings for very long at all. I have learned how to get myself away from negative feelings sooner than later. And since learning how to do this for myself, I have very little tolerance for being unhappy for too long.

These experiences in my coaching this week led me to believe that I must really show my clients the potential of living a happy life, by being an example myself. I don’t simply put on a happy face and tell them nice things. I am truly in the experience of being happy. Talking about living an empowered life simply fills me with joy. And so, no matter how crappy my day may have been up to then, the moment I begin discussing empowerment, all is right in the world!

I love being an Empowerment Coach. I love the effect it has on my clients, but even more so the effect it has on me. I love that I discovered my own uniqueness and have learned to embrace it. As I continue on my own journey of continuous self-discovery, my hope is that I also enhance what I have to offer others. I believe so.

Life is good. And I am soooo grateful!

A simple day, but still learning

Today was a fairly simple day. Nothing extraordinary happened. Not that big things need to happen every day. Peace is perfectly wonderful. It's just there isn't anything major to report other than it's simply been a good day!

I’m just back from shopping with my daughter Dana and her Maid of Honor for Dana's upcoming bridal shower. Nice! She actually has two showers this weekend, one given by her dad’s side of the family, and the other given by my sister and I. Since I am attending both parties as well, it will be a very busy, but also I'm sure, fun weekend.

So, with nothing major to report, I had been thinking about what I wanted to write about today. And this is what came to me…

This morning I was talking with someone about an inaction of mine—meaning I could have taken action on this particular issue, but I didn’t. I consciously chose not to do anything about it because it was not my issue to deal with. Additionally, I do not believe my action would have helped the issue anyway. However, the person who thought I should have taken the action, I am told, was very angry with me as he thought I was wrong in my inaction.

Although I have compassion for this person, I haven’t changed my thoughts about my role one bit. I simply don’t think it was my place to get involved. Furthermore, I am again reminded how easily one becomes a "victim” (I’ve been there many times myself, unfortunately!) From a victims point of view, it is always someone else’s fault for their upset. And in order for a victim to feel better (if it is even possible), someone else must do the “right” thing. So because I didn't do the "right" thing, someone else's happiness had been in my hands.

While I was not exactly the victimizer in this case, I learned today that my inaction added to a victims story. This to me felt bad... not wrong, rather simply caused me to have empathy for the person who partially blamed me for the upset.

For the most part, we usually view pain, fear, and injustice from our own perspective. That is easily most visible to us. However, when we look at it from someone else’s perspective, it’s a good reminder how we must appear to others when we act as victims ourselves. So I am reminded, yet one more time, to stay empowered. My happiness is in my own hands. Living this way makes life is so much better.

It’s been a simple day overall, but never a day short of learning more about myself. I’m happy to be on this journey of mine. Life becomes clearer for me each day, and it’s a joy to experience!!

Working on my feelings

Yesterday ended up being a great day, just as I had imagined. I’m grateful!

I have been listening to a new book on CD, called “Money, and the Law of Attraction”, by Esther Hicks (Abraham-Hicks). I had been awaiting its release, so when it came out on Tuesday, I immediately went out and bought it. Since then I’ve been listening to it here and there, but finally got a chance to listen to much more of it on my three hour round-trip to see my uncle yesterday.

As a suggestion from the book, I decided that I would spend 15 minutes each evening focusing on the things that I’m working on bringing into my life. I thought I’d spend 5 minutes on each; money, health/weight loss, and a relationship (yeah, I know, I wasn’t planning on this one, but what happened on Friday night…). Anyway, it’s not enough to just think about what I want, I also need to FEEL as though those things are abundant and on their way to me. The change in feeling about those things is the important factor. So I tried. I’ve done this before and it’s not that hard actually. It’s more the consistency of doing it that makes me usually give up. Last night’s attempt started off ok, but then I wasn’t so sure I was staying on track. On the surprising side, I ended up spending about a half hour doing this. However, I didn’t feel as though the intensity of what I was feeling was lasting. I felt as though I was drifting back into feelings of lack.

But I attempted, and that was the point.

This morning I woke up with the memory of having dreamt that I got promoted at work. My first reaction to this was that there isn’t really any way for me to be promoted at work, since I am the only one that does my job! I mean, there’s no other office job where I work to do!

Then, I remembered what came to me yesterday… I am stopping some of my expectations of wealth by wondering where it would actually come from. When I was younger, and working my way up in the company I worked for, I always imagined good raises, promotions, and even profit-sharing checks. And they always came to me. But where I am at this point of my life, I’m more on my own. I really prefer it this way now, but I realized that because I don’t know where my big money will come from, I tend not to imagine or expect it as much, thus hindering my manifestation of it.

So, I’m going to keep at it... spending my 15 minutes (at least) imagining and expecting and FEELING that these things will show up in my life soon. To be continued…

All is well. And it’s looking like another fantastic day!!

Change this quickly...

I woke up with a bit of tension this morning. I knew that I did not want to create my day from that feeling, so before I got up, I started thinking about things to be grateful for and imagined how great this day will be. After all, I have a returning client, who I will be very happy to see today. And no doubt, I will feel fantastic after our session. I always do. I’m also planning a trip to see my uncle (he’s an hour and a half away). I know he will be happy to see me, and we’ll probably go out to dinner, have ice cream or do something like that. So my day will be filled with good times.

However, yesterday was a challenge to keep up the positive feelings, which I know created my tension this morning. I guess I need to remember that whenever I make the kind of statements as I did in yesterday’s post, my life will start changing immediately. It always happens for me that way, and I often warn my clients this as well. The moment I tell the Universe I want something more, things start moving around to clear out things I no longer need. But wait, I might still want some of those things! However, some things may be in the way and need to be cleared before the better can come to me.

I mentioned yesterday that I was not going to work on my personal relationship. I don’t feel I have the energy to focus on it. And since I do have some friends who fill the companionship role for me, things seem “good enough” in this area of my life at the moment. Of course, I want better and more stable, but as of yesterday I was ok with things as they were. But circumstances led to disrupting my friendship with one of my favorite people. We are good friends and we get along very well. But in a moment last night, things went from happy to uncomfortable, and then to not so friendly. Whoa, where did that come from? I wasn’t expecting our relationship to be affected so quickly. And while it’s not the end of the world, nor possibly even the end of our friendship, I am reminded this morning that in order to have a better situation come into my life, the “good enough” situations may need to clear out. I am comforted in the feeling that this is likely what is going on.

So, despite that unexpected blip in my life yesterday, I’m looking forward to today. My tension is now gone, because I am again focusing on the possibilities of what’s to come next. It’s exciting knowing that things will change, simply because I want them to. It’s not hard work, rather just takes a bit of faith. And that I have today.

It’s a great day!

Back to blogging

Having gone through many transitions in my life, I am not at all surprised to be going through yet another one. I’m sure I am responsible for them. After all, life is a series of choices. I make many choices throughout each day… what to think, what to say, what to do, what to feel, etc. All of those choices create my life circumstances, which is the biggest reason I also choose to be empowered… so I can change my life if I want to!

I haven’t done much writing in quite awhile. There are a few reasons for that, but mainly because I haven’t spent much time self-reflecting. Although I live alone, and spend plenty of time by myself, when I’m on the computer or watching tv, I’m simply distracting myself from deliberately creating the life I want.

So as with most people, it’s usually hard times that stop me in my tracks and makes me look at my life and determine if it’s really how I want it to be.

For the most part, I have a fantastic life—better than it’s ever been actually. As my own person, I am happier than ever. I’ve lived chaos before, so the peace I now live is very much appreciated. (That aspect alone, makes life great!) And although I’ve had more money in the past than I do today, I have two great jobs I absolutely LOVE. First, I'm an Empowerment Coach. It brings me more joy than any job I have ever had. And secondly, by day, I am an Office Manager for a small construction company. It’s by no means glamorous, but I thoroughly enjoy every single day I am there. Things are run MY way, which is good for this control freak. My boss is absolutely wonderful and appreciates me more than any boss I have ever had. So while money is an area of improvement for me, I’m working on it while enjoying my way of receiving it. Also, I love where I live. I love my flexible life schedule. I love that I have raised a smart and beautiful daughter, who is soon to be married, and who I know will continue to have a great life. I have great friends, and making even more all the time. I feel very loved by my friends and enjoy all the time and fun I have when I’m with them.

On the more difficult side of my life, I’ve been taking care of my uncle on and off for several months. He gets very sick and needs me for blocks of time. Then he recovers a bit, and then a bit more, and is able to take care of himself again. Then the process starts all over… he gets sick, and then better, etc. At the moment, he’s home alone. He’s not as well as I’d like him to be, but he’s holding strong for the moment. During these times, I am grateful for the peace of mind that he’s ok. I’m afraid it won’t last long though, so I just try to focus on each day as it comes.

The other areas that could use some improvement include my money situation (as I mentioned) as well as an easier time in some of my relationships, both with some of my family members and in my personal relationship. My family situation definitely does not make me happy, and I have felt powerless over it for awhile now. But I’m dealing with it, and working on how to change how I feel about some things. It feels a bit harder, than say, if it were an issue with a friend, but I know the peace about it is still all within my power. And then there’s my personal relationship situation… This is not my main concern at the moment—mainly because it’s been a bit difficult for a bit too long. I know there are better times ahead, regardless whether I choose the same person I have been choosing or if I choose someone new. I’m going to let that situation be for now, and trust that in everything else I’ll be working on, that it will also work itself out. I’m not saying it’s not within my power. I simply don’t have the desire to focus on it at this time. (Maybe beginning at Mile 10 on this leg of the journey!)

So, this is where I am today. I have a plan to work on changing some things in my life. I’m going to make some new choices, create some intentions, carve out time to focus on them, and excitedly experience what I will be manifesting.

I’m planning on sharing this journey as a way to keep me on track. And although I’ve always shared a lot, there may be some things I share that I haven’t previously. It’s a little scary, but the purpose is to say what I need say about it. I know I can have everything exactly as I want it, and so I will!

All is well. Life is good. And I am grateful.

An opportunity to appreciate

One thing I am reminded whenever I am going through difficult times is that there are still countless things in life to appreciate.

As I’ve been mentioning, my uncle who raised me is not well and is now to the point of needing constant care. He wants to be with me so I have recently been spending most of my time taking care of him. I’ve been a bit tired, but some of the family is helping, so this week while he was staying with my aunt I had some time for myself.

I was able to go on a few coffee and dinner dates with my friends, hang out with my daughter a bit, go to the movies, get a haircut, and sleep in as late as I wanted. It has been great! Even taking the time to be outside, taking a deep breath while looking up at the sky evoked a wonderful feeling within me.

These have been beautiful days to re-charge. I feel a great sense of appreciation for my life, as it felt really good to be able to take care of myself in a way that I have not had the chance to do in several weeks now.

The thing is though, this is my normal life! I am always taking care of myself. And I usually do have all this time to do whatever I want and whenever I want.

Wow, how blessed am I? I already have a great life. But it took the time away from my usual lifestyle to remember to appreciate it.

I’ve been feeling some guilt for not being able to do more for my uncle. I’ve been feeling as though I NEED to care for him 100%, without relying on other family members to help. But this week of rejuvenation has helped me realize that I can have both. I can help him a lot, and then take the help from family so I can take care of myself as well.

Tomorrow I’m off to the beach with my sister Tracy… then it’s back to taking care of my uncle on Saturday. Helping my uncle is really an honor, not only because I am able to be here for him as he needs, but also because he has given me more opportunity to appreciate in this life of mine—including even more appreciation for him!

The next step is acceptance

I’ve been spending the last week or so managing the things going on in my life right now. I recently wrote about not resisting what is, when something is not as I want it to be. The not resisting wasn’t too difficult, but the acceptance (the next part) has been a bit harder.

As I have mentioned before, I was primarily raised by my dad, along with my paternal grandmother and uncle. They were all my parents.

Grandma (left), Uncle Alvin, Donna (1st Bday), and my dad (sitting)

From one perspective, it is a blessing to have had “extra” parents. But to be honest, I have struggled with those blessings. From early on, I didn’t like that I wasn’t in a traditional family. And to make things worse, my dad moved away when I was eleven, leaving me with just my grandma and uncle. As ungrateful as it seems to me now, I used to think… Who gets raised by their grandma and uncle? I want to be like everyone else, with a mom and a dad. Even though I was spoiled by my grandma and uncle, it was still emotionally difficult for me, as I was desperate to understand why I wasn’t given the chance in this life to be “normal”.

When I was 27 (1993) my dad became ill and he wanted me to be the one to help him. I loved my dad so much that I would have done anything for him, so of course I stepped up. It was a huge heartbreak for me to watch him get sicker and then to lose him shortly after.

In a condolence card from my mom, she wrote something like… Maybe we finally know why you were raised by your dad—so that you would be close to him and would be there when he needed you. Whether or not that was true (because sometimes we, including my mom, never get the whys of life) it was like a huge weight was lifted off of me. After 27 years, I finally felt a sense of relief from my lack of understanding, as it was now replaced with a new belief of a purpose for my childhood circumstances.

It was three years later that I lost my grandma as well.

This leaves my Uncle Alvin. I’ve been sharing that he’s been sick. He’s not getting better and so now, he’s become the center of my life. Similar to my dad, my uncle also wants me to be the one to help him. And of course, I am. But I must admit it’s very difficult. I am having feelings that I don’t want to have. I get flashbacks of that teenager who thinks… Who is like me? If I would have just had a normal upbringing, then maybe I'd need to deal with two big losses (which I’ve already had so far). But now I’m going on my third! And while my mom is still young and healthy, she’s in the back of my mind as well.

Suddenly, all my extra parents don’t seem like such blessings. Isn’t that a horrible thing to say? Honestly, that sentence is not true at all. There’s just a lot of fear going on with me at the moment. I love all my parents, and I am extremely grateful for the abundance of love I have had in my life from having so many to care for me. But the anticipation of possibly more loss coming in the near future makes way for crazy thoughts.

I could easily edit what I’m writing here, but I’d rather just write honestly because I’m working on the acceptance stage for where I am with my uncle. Maybe I need to remember the possible purpose for having been raised by him—so I can be here for him now. He never married nor had any children of his own, but he freely gave all his love and attention to me. In return, he deserves all the love and caring in the world as well. This I know and so this I will give!

Not resisting what is

I had an amazing couple of days! I have been so happy to be feeling so much better after my bout with the flu and the less than joyous feelings I allowed during that time. I am getting out again, hanging out with my friends, had a great day with my daughter, and began looking forward to what more I can create for myself for the rest of the month. And with the new and better feelings coming from the last couple of days, I even got some exciting news… including a strong possibility for an opportunity in an area of work I would simply love to add to my life.

Much of this great experience came, I believe, as result of the work I’ve been doing to become inspired again about living a joyful life. My illness and unhappiness over the last few weeks was unusually long for me at this point in my life, but by the time I went to sleep last night I was definitely feeling a huge relief from the darkness I had been in.

One of the things I did to help myself back into this better state was to watch the new classes that Oprah is doing with Eckhart Tolle based on his new book called, A New Earth. I am not reading the book, but I’ve decided over the last couple of days to watch the classes (so far the first two are available on Oprah.com) just to get an idea of what they are discussing. They’ve been quite insightful, and as a non note-taker (I usually just watch or listen), I surprised myself by jotting down a sentence here and there. Some things just resonated with me so much, I found myself wanting to make sure I kept note of it.

So with a handful of new sentences to think about, I had planned on writing tonight about one that seemed most applicable to my life at the moment. However, that particular topic suddenly took a back seat when something quite emotionally disturbing came up for me tonight. But as I took some time to absorb what happened, I began to realize something quite important for myself, having just noted these other sentences last night (in regards to not wanting what is)...

“Do not resist what is. Accept it …then take action to change it.” –Eckhart Tolle

For many, when we find out something is not how we want it to be, our first reaction is to resist it. I sometimes do this as well. I get upset, carry on about how I don’t like it, and then think and think and think about what I don’t want. It’s just so easy to go down that road.

Eckhart Tolle suggested we don’t do this. In fact, as someone who teaches this stuff, I suggest very similar ideas to my clients as well. I believe in the Universal Law of Attraction and that means if I add energy to that which I don’t want, I attract more of what I don’t want. So I do know this.

But tonight, in the moment I became aware of something I didn’t like, I went right for the thoughts of that which I didn’t want. I instantly became stressed about it, and must admit, also spent a bit of time upset that my happiness over the last couple of days seemed to be wiped out in just a moment. Then, I remembered…

I took some time tonight. I became quiet. I turned off my computer. I turned off my tv. I just sat with myself and accepted what is. I decided that whatever happened, all is still well. I decided that tomorrow I will take action, but tonight I will simply stay calm.

So without resisting what is, followed by an acceptance, ideas for solutions started to come to me. And then… my peace came back.

It’s been a few hours since this happened, but I am again in the space of remembering that no matter what happens from here, all is still well.

--Although I could be writing about a number of things that sometimes occur in my life, this post was again about my Uncle Alvin (posted 2/5/08). His health situation gave me yet another scare, but in this moment he is ok. And as I always say, now is all that matters.

I forgot to stay well

Yeah, I know… It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything.

The flu that I swore wouldn’t affect me, did. I was very surprised actually. After all, I am the strongest when it comes to avoiding illness. My belief that we have power over whether or not we get sick was surely tested though.

It was a Friday morning. As soon as I opened my eyes that morning I knew something was wrong. I felt weighed down in my bed as though I was covered with bricks. Ughhh, it was awful.

It took more than a week and a half before I even went out of my house for anything more than a quick errand. I’m good about being able to stay home for a few days, but eventually the “cabin fever” hit me pretty bad. I hated it!

Over the last week or so I’ve been able to do a bit more, but I am still not back 100%. I haven’t been able to go to the gym, and yesterday when I went for a walk with my sister Tracy, I coughed half of the time. I’m sick of being sick. The good news though, is that I’ve decided I’m done and will now be well :-)

But why did I get sick in the first place? As I said, I believe we have some say over illness. Not everyone would agree with me, but this is my belief. And because it’s my belief, it’s true for me. I have gone through many flu seasons and rarely get sick for anything more than a day or so. I simply will it away.

This time was different though. I couldn’t will it away—or maybe I simply forgot to.

All of those days lying around my house trying to recover allowed me plenty of time to reflect on how I even became susceptible to this flu. Yeah, lots of people got it. But that is not a good reason to me. What changed for me in the days leading up to that Friday morning? Ah, yep, something did happen!

I don’t really want to share the personal details, but I can say that it very much had to do with how I was feeling in regards to a particular situation going on with me at the time. It’s been a life-long struggle for me… feeling loved, that is. I write about love (in fact, was my last post) and identify it as much as I can because it’s an effort for me to simply remember it. I have to consciously acknowledge that I am loved in order to remember it’s all around me. It’s just my thing.

Anyway, I had been questioning a situation that happened right before I got sick. I forgot who I AM and allowed my feelings to go to places not in my best interest. Then, the initial sickness and the subsequent cabin fever led to even more difficult feelings (the kind where I try to add proof for my negative feelings), which only prolonged the road to recovery. It has not been fun!

But I’ve finally decided to get myself out of that place. I started seeking inspiration again (my number one recommendation!) and am happy to report that I’m much better. I’m getting back to the person I’d rather be. I’m back to remembering why I love my life and why it’s important for me to be happy. For me it’s a choice—a choice to remember that the quality of my life is within my own power and that wellness comes naturally from happiness! Feels like Springtime! Yeah!

In love today...

From the two phone calls from dear friends last night just after midnight (hoping to be the first to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day!), to the Valentine's note from my sister in Colorado at 1am, to the conversation with my daughter first thing this morning, to the chocolates that were delivered from a best friend today at lunch time... I am abundantly reminded why my life so special.

Today I am conscious of all the love that surrounds me and am feeling extremely grateful. Happy Valentine's Day!

Attitude of empowerment

This is craziness! I teach empowerment. I live empowerment (as much as possible, anyway!) And I still have to remind myself what I’m doing when I’m blaming others for not doing what they are “supposed” to be doing for me.

One thing that gets to me is when people don’t do what they say. They say they are going to do something, and so, that is what I expect. Ohhhh, expectations! Those can get me in trouble. Well, not in trouble, rather cause me much frustration. So within the last week or so, I find myself expecting that in these two particular cases on the top of my head right now, that these people will do what they say they are going to do. But they have not!

So over the last couple of days, I find myself talking to myself. What is going on? What do I need to do to convince them to do what they said they are going to do?

All of the talking in my head was about them, them, them… and their effects on me!

Now, if a client of mine were to tell me what I was telling myself, I would have had an answer immediately. I would have told him/her to look and him/herself. There’s no power in victimhood. And there's little chance of trying to get someone to do something you want them to do, and still be at peace about it. See? That was easy. Then I would have followed up with more about what an empowered person would do in such a situation.

Well, sometimes that is what it takes—pretending that I am my own client. I realized that if I am having such a hard time at being empowered, then looking at it from the point of why I am attracting such behavior should at least help me change my attitude. I can simply create the attitude of empowerment for myself. In other words, maybe “fake it until I make it”.

So this is what I’m working on for myself for today. I am changing my attitude. I'm going to stop looking for ways to get these people to do what I want them to do and focus on who I need to be in order to attract what I want. I admit, sometimes it’s just difficult to feel empowered. But changing my attitude is a good first step to getting back to that place. Now, maybe I’ll find a little peace in knowing that in this moment, all is as it should be. I can tell, I'm feeling better already :-)

All is well!!

My Guardian Alvin

When I was a little girl, I recall my grandma telling me the story of the first day my dad took me home—at eight days old, my home was to be where my 21 year old unmarried father still lived with his mother and his brother. These three, my dad, my grandma and my uncle, were to become my primary parent/guardians while growing up.

My Uncle Alvin never married nor had any children of his own, and eventually became my grandmother’s caretaker until she died in 1996. Since I was in the same house for many of my childhood years, my uncle also became like a second dad to me. I remember at seven years old, my uncle taking me to get my ears pierced. I remember him taking me school clothes shopping several times. At sixteen, he even took me to buy a car because it was easier for me to have my own so as he wouldn’t have to rush home every day from work to take me to my after school job at JC Penney’s.

My uncle would simply do anything for me. I always knew he loved me greatly and to this day I cannot even imagine how I could ever repay him for all he’s done for me. Even though it was clear to everyone all my uncle did for me, as my grandma got older she would always be sure to tell me that I was to take care of my uncle when he got older. That was a must! Of course I will, replying to her demand. That is the least I could do!

My uncle was always so young looking though. As a single guy, he was always going out and having fun. He even drove a Porsche for several years. So while everyone gets older, it was really hard to imagine MY uncle getting old.

But he is older now. He has been sick on and off for several years now, but always seems to bounce back as good as ever. Or maybe that is what I just want to believe. These days he lives alone (with his little dog) an hour and a half away from me. There’s very little that worries me in life, except for my uncle being alone and being sick.

This past week he got very ill. Last Monday when I spoke to him on the phone, I knew he sounded bad. I offered to take him to the doctor, but being the man who has always taken care of ME, he said not to worry about him. But I could not sleep that night worrying so much about him. So I called him the next morning to check on him again. This time he asked me to take him to the doctor. If he asked, then I just knew he was bad. I couldn’t get there fast enough. He’s just so far away. By the time I got there and walked in to get him, he was standing there so thin with the weakest look on his face. My heart just sank.

To make a long story short, he was in the hospital for about five days. I drove back and forth from my home to his home almost every day making sure he was ok, his dog was ok, as well as to take care of my obligations at home. It was very tiring, but it was simply what was needed.

The doctors at the hospital were wonderful and got him back on track to getting healthy again. And he was finally well enough to go home on Saturday. As I left him tonight to come home for a couple of days, I felt a little relieved that things should be ok again for awhile. I worry, but will continue to do my best to make sure I’m there for him as much as possible.

However, typical as our relationship goes, it is always my uncle who wants to take care of me. I sometimes feel guilty because I owe him so much, and he should not still be trying to take care of his 41 year old niece! But as sick as he was, he insisted on giving me money to pay for my gas for all the trips I was making back and forth. When I told him that I was eating fast food, he told me to take some of his money and go sit down at a restaurant to eat. Of course I didn’t, but I knew he just wanted to make sure I was eating well. I want so much to make sure that I now do what I can for my uncle, and sometimes hope that my grandma wouldn’t disapprove of the job I am doing these days when it comes to my uncle. But I realized that as long as he can, my uncle will always be my guardian. He’s my parent. He loves me and he will always want to take care of me. And if that means giving me some money to pay for my gas or to eat a meal, then he’s doing what makes him happy… to take care of Donna.

I often complain about my childhood. I didn’t enjoy it, not because it was so bad, but because I didn’t appreciate it. I am reminded this week how blessed I was and still am to have my Uncle Alvin. As I see him getting better today, I so wish he could always be this way. I simply don’t know what I would do without him and hate even thinking about it.

But today all is well, thankfully. And today is all that matters!

In my dreams

Oh, I’m really enjoying this idea of themed days (see prior post). I’ve now moved into a new theme...

I’m always telling my clients how essential it is to continue seeking inspiration. It's important because being inspired makes creating a fulfilling life so much easier. And for me, it is no different. I quickly sense when I need inspiration, and so as I've been noticing my less than enthusiastic feelings over the last couple of days, I decided that I better look for new ways to be inspired.

So I went to the internet. This is an easy way to find inspiration as there’s simply no end to what is out there. And so being the night owl that I am, I ended up spending a good amount of time last night surfing the internet. It was fun, because I was specifically seeking inspiration. I started by going to some of my favorite websites, then followed their favorite links, and ultimately ended up in all kinds of unexpectedly cool places.

Soon I found myself on a few Myspace pages. I ended up watching an online segment from an Oprah show where the teachers from the movie, The Secret, were on. They were explaining manifestation, or how to create what we want. One simply said, “Dream it up”. I loved that, because so often people only think to follow that which already exists—when there are so many other possibilities just waiting to be realized. Or sometimes, people simply limit their dreams because they focus on all the obstacles that may prevent them from actually getting what they want.

Anyway, in my seeking last night, I also found a Myspace page for one of my favorite authors, Paulo Coelho. I know that he is so famous, and he has people who handle the site for him. But I did notice that his site sends a comment back to those who ask to be his “friend”. So eagerly, I sent in my request in to be his “friend”. The comment pictured above is what I got back.

I feel very excited by this synchronicity. As a person who works at following her dreams and has also learned how to be grateful for whatever that journey brings, it is so nice to be reminded that what I am doing is supported by those who inspire me.

I am starting a new group workshop this week in which we will be discussing how to create what we want for ourselves—in other words, how to follow our dreams! Learning and experiencing how to create my own fulfilling life is the ultimate way to be able to teach that to others. My own dreams are so grand, so wonderful, and are so very possible. I want everyone to live their own dreams as well. And so, now I am even more excited that my new group will be starting soon. I am so grateful to all of those out in the world who inspire me, as it is surely in my dreams to pass it on…

* More info: Create it! Group, starting 1/30/08
* Myspace, For Your Journey

My choices, my reasons

Today was an interesting day. It was one of those days that had a theme. On one hand I love days like this, because synchronicity shows up clearly, and that is always fun for me to notice. On the other hand, if the theme is one where I have to look at myself in a certain way, it can really throw me off track a bit.

But it’s all good.

The day was just filled with several explanations of my personal life choices. With most people in my world, I am often supported in my decisions. They “admire” who I am and often compliment me on the courage I carry along on my journey. I never set out for people to look up to me in any way. I just live how I live. I share a lot about myself. That often inspires people. And I am fortunate to hear about it.

Today’s discussions weren’t really out of the ordinary for me. However, I did feel as though I was defending myself a bit more than usual. That was weird! And it was with four separate people in four separate conversations—two people who don’t know me very well and two who actually know me quite well.

With the two who don’t know me as well, I found myself explaining a lot of my life story. That is not unusual for me at all! But in some of their responses, I sensed as though I needed to give better “reasons” for having made some of the choices I’ve made.

With the other two people, who know me much better, I also felt as though I was explaining why I am making yet other life choices for myself. And that was unusually uncomfortable for me.

So, in reviewing my day, I am reminded of all the “explaining” I did.

From teaching empowerment, I am very aware that it is not those people who gave me a hard time. Whether or not they had any judgment on my personal choices is of no relevance. I make choices. I explain why I do what I do. And really, that is good enough. However, when I feel uneasy about the answers I give, then it is my self-confidence that comes into question—not my choices.

I believe that I have a healthy level of self-confidence. But when I find myself feeling as though I did today, I realize that there is still work to be done in that area for me. I never regret my choices, because I am very conscientious in the decisions I make for myself.

Where those feelings came from today, I have no idea. I’m not so worried though. As I sit here tonight, thinking about my life, I am just as excited about who I am, what I do, and where I’m going. Nothing is ever a waste, not even today’s experience. I will take what I’ve realized about myself today and work on it tomorrow.

All is well!

My flight to the job I love

In 1989 when I got a job at HP, it was my dream come true. I was 22 years old, and although it was such a simple accounting job, it was everything I wanted at the time. My starting salary was $2,000/mo. I remember feeling as though I won the lotto! Sooo much money!

My journey in the fourteen years at HP was a blessing. I was able to learn a lot, contribute a lot, raise my daughter with the flexibility the company offered me, and buy homes, cars, etc with the income it eventually afforded me. It was truly a blessing.

But in 2003, I knew that journey was over. I had gotten what I needed from that experience and was ready for whatever was next.

What was next though?

I took a class called “Creating the Work You Love”. I often talk about this class, because it truly changed my life. (Well, lots of things have changed my life, but this is one of the big ones.) At the time, I didn’t exactly know what “work” I wanted to do. I just knew it wasn’t what I had been doing. So, when the teacher (Rick Jarow) started the class with, “I know there’s something you want to do, but you are not sure what that is…” I thought to myself, “How does he know that?” Well, the whole class was like that for me. He just seemed to know what I felt and what I was thinking.

I could explain my whole experience of that class, but that will take a whole chapter of a book. For now, I am only sharing one part of the class that I am reminded of today.

In the class, we were walked through a meditation/visualization. To be honest, while I had a spark of an idea of what I did want to do, I had nowhere near the confidence I needed to actually make the move. However, in the meditation, we were asked to imagine ourselves as an animal, any animal. So, I imagined myself to be what I had imagined myself to be ever since I was a kid. Then he asked us to imagine ourselves as that animal in our favorite setting. Well, that was easy, because my favorite setting is the beach.

As a kid, who didn’t enjoy her childhood, I always imagined myself as a bird--maybe to fly away, or to simply be free to go wherever I wanted. I don’t know. I just knew I wanted to fly. But in that meditation, I actually wanted to stop myself from imagining myself as a bird. Instead, I thought to myself… I don’t want to be a bird now. Birds fly. I don’t even like flying in a plane. I like to be stable, on solid ground. So instead, I imagined myself sitting in a tree. I was a bird, sitting in a tree, looking out at the ocean.

When the meditation was complete, the teacher explained what each part of the visualization meant. I don’t even remember it all. But one thing very clear to me was at that point in my life, I wanted/needed a career change. However, like that bird, I was simply too afraid to fly.

With that, and many other amazing things I got from the class, I found the courage to leave my job at HP and start planning for my new inspirational center, to be named For Your Journey. Since I had come from a company who was big on branding, and because I am very methodical in how I do things, I decided that getting a logo and creating my website would be the first best start. So that is what I did. I found a graphic artist who listened to my ideas so that he could come up with what I wanted. I told him that my business would be called For Your Journey, so for the logo... maybe a path, or a sunset or a dove or a beach scene would be good. More than anything though, I had imagined a picture of a path (a journey).

Now this happened many month’s after that class I had taken. But if you can imagine my total shock as I opened the email with the initial sketch of my new logo… a bird flying over the ocean! My graphic artist had no idea what he gave me, but I knew right then… I was no longer afraid to fly, because I was flying! I had begun my new journey and from here life would forever be different.

So much has happened since then. And as I much as I share, there is still much more. Most exciting so far though, is where I’ve landed these days. Who I am now as a person is so much greater than who I could ever have imagined myself to be. I inspire people every single day because I found the courage to fly. I live in pure joy in doing what I do, and can only imagine even more as I continue on this journey of mine.

This is how life is supposed to be. We are supposed to be happy. We are supposed to love every part of our lives. We should even love our jobs. And I definitely do, thankfully!