My own push towards empowerment

One of my oldest friendships is with my high school friend John. During our high school days, he and I used to spend countless hours talking on the phone. He called me his “little sister” and I called him a clown, because even though he drove me crazy, he always made me laugh. Once we graduated however, I got married and he went into the Marines. So it wasn’t long after that we lost touch.

Even though I had no idea when we would reconnect again, I always had this feeling that we would. It was something I just knew.

Fast forward to my divorce 17 years later... It was an extremely difficult time for me, and needless to say, I was very unhappy. Of course, I had thought about John over the years, but I had no idea where he lived and it never occurred to me to try and find out after so long. However, during a conversation one day with a woman I knew, she mentioned to me that she had reconnected with a high school friend through the Classmates.com website. At the time, I had never heard of it, but later that week I decided to check it out. Still, I wasn’t thinking about John, but as I looked through the names of my class, his immediately caught my attention. I couldn’t believe it! Was it really him? Would he even remember me?

So I e-mailed him. About a week later he wrote back and then he called. He was living in Kansas City, MO. Talking to him again was surreal. It was as though no time had passed at all, and the first night we talked the entire night! He made me laugh so much during a time when I had been so miserable. Honestly, it felt like a miracle had come into my life to help me heal from so much pain I had during those difficult days.

John and I talked a lot during those first weeks of reconnecting. He would listen to my misery, but in return, crack me up with his crazy ways. Within a month or so, he flew out to visit me. It was so weird. We were so different from the teenagers we had last seen of each other, but at the same time, we were just the same. We had a blast during the time he was here… off to San Francisco, Santa Cruz, and even to the Gilroy Garlic Festival. We called it a whirlwind weekend.

When he went home, we continued our constant phone conversations. Really, he was such a savior to me in those days. But for as much as he made me laugh, there were always those moments when I would slip back into my pity party of my circumstances.

One day, I was complaining how I had nothing to do or anyone to do anything with. I was feeling quite lonely and definitely feeling very sorry for myself. I expected him to listen supportively, when suddenly his tone changed and he really began to give it to me…

He said, “Do you know how lucky you are to live where you live? You live in California—the Bay Area! There are so many things to do there.” Yes I know, I replied. But I don’t have anyone to go with. To which he immediately replied in that big brother voice, “GO BY YOURSELF! Take your camera and go take some pictures.”

Now, although I have always been quite independent, I had never really thought to go hang out by myself. I mean, I can go shopping or do what I need to do by myself, but to go sight-seeing by myself? It is so funny to me now, but I continued to debate his suggestion by explaining that there are lots of rapes and murders, and that it would just be too dangerous for a woman to go places by herself. Then in his sarcastic tone, he says, “Then lock your car door!”

What else could I say? I had no more excuses. I no longer had someone to feel sorry for me. Instead he simply became this really good friend who had just pushed me onto a big step towards empowerment.

That upcoming weekend happened to be the weekend after 9/11. I took my camera to San Francisco and began taking pictures of all of the American flags. And there were many. It was such a difficult time for the nation, obviously. But for me, it was a time of liberation. I had my camera as company, and did not feel lonely at all. The week after, I went other places to take more pictures (and even mailed him a copy as proof of following his advice). And then, it was very soon after that I began going to the beach by myself.

Since then, going to the beach and taking pictures of the sun setting in the ocean has become a BIG part of my life. Almost all of my FYJ Newsletters feature a picture I took at the beach. And most of those times taking those pictures, I was BY MYSELF! I love going to the beach alone these days, and in fact, it has become a necessary part of my life.

These days, John and I talk every couple of weeks or so. We don’t stay up talking ALL night anymore, but we do talk a long time. He still thinks he’s my big brother and he still loves to tell me what to do (I mean, give me advice!). Although he still drives me crazy, he definitely still makes me laugh.

Oh, and as much as this pains me to say, because he is quite arrogant :-) and will probably use this against me, I am very grateful and thankful to him! He always ends our conversations with telling me that he loves me, and we both know we will be friends forever.

p.s. I really don’t like this picture I put with this post because I look terrible! However, I decided on this one because every time we talk about it, we laugh our asses off. When I originally sent him a copy, from the time he had been here to visit, he pointed out how we each have one leg on the bench. That was totally unconscious, but I simply cannot see or think about that without cracking up! But it’s interesting, because I think we do lean on each other in life, maybe it’s just a symbol of our friendship!