Time for closure

It’s the end of the year… thank goodness! It was a good one, don’t get me wrong. I have loved, laughed, learned, shared, and cried. While the year had its share of lessons for me, I feel good about having gotten what I needed from them. I am grateful for the past, but now it’s time to close some doors, so the new things can come in for the New Year!

From my post a week or so back:
I want every part of my life to be the best it can be. There’s no more… In the meantime, I will do this… or… In the meantime, I will settle for that... I realize now that I simply want everything to be the way I want it to be!

How exciting to think of the possibilities…

Reality show inspiration

My computer has been out for service for about a week now. I’ve felt lost without it, because using my computer is such a big part of my life these days. Although I still don't have it back yet, fortunately I have been able to borrow my brother-in-laws laptop for the weekend. Yes!

So what have I been doing with all of my unexpected downtime lately? Well, I have found myself watching lots of television! I try not to watch too much tv usually, but since it is the holidays without much else going on right now, I’ve allowed myself the luxury of the couch potato life for a bit. So, it has been fun watching shows I don’t always get a chance to watch.

However, since I’m so self-reflective, it’s been more interesting for me to notice the types of shows I am drawn to. I’ve been enjoying the reality shows the most, because as an observer of people I like trying to understand why people do what they do. I love shows like Top Chef, Design Star, and Project Runway. Those shows feature everyday people competing against each other in areas of their passions, such as cooking, designing spaces or clothes designing. Of course, for entertainment purposes the shows try to offer some drama with the competitions and the eliminations of the contestants. But that is not what really gets my attention. I am just really inspired by those contestants. Those are people going after their dreams. Those are people willing to take chances to try and create something meaningful and fulfilling for themselves. I just love that!

Other shows that inspire me are the True Hollywood Story shows. I am not a star-struck type person. To me, famous people are just people. However, when I hear their life stories and how they “made it”, I get very inspired. Two of my favorite Hollywood stories are of Will Smith and Rachel Ray. I wouldn’t say that I am a big fan of either of them really. I like them, but never really thought much more of them until I watched their stories. What caught my attention most was how they followed their hearts, always keeping their attention on what they loved most. In return what they got was so much greater than they ever imagined. I think they both said that actually. They focused their energies on what they loved, and the rest just seemed to come to them… the greatest opportunities and the endless possibilities.

There are so many other shows on tv that also demonstrate what I’m writing about here—from the weather person on the news, to the people on those tattoo shows, to a mogul like Kimora, to Oprah. One just needs to view them from a different perspective to get that. Basically, I am simply inspired by people who follow their guidance in doing what they love most—especially those with nontraditional dreams. I think people who live “outside the box” are the coolest. Happiness, doing what we love, and becoming successful in doing what we love isn’t only reserved for a few special people. It is available for all of us. Those people who make it big are not “luckier” than the rest of us. They are simply following what makes them happy and fulfilled.

Following my guidance, going after my dreams, focusing on what I love most, being happy and fulfilled… yep, my intention is to live that way as well. Oh, and to think that my less than productive week was still inspirational, simply by watching tv!

My own push towards empowerment

One of my oldest friendships is with my high school friend John. During our high school days, he and I used to spend countless hours talking on the phone. He called me his “little sister” and I called him a clown, because even though he drove me crazy, he always made me laugh. Once we graduated however, I got married and he went into the Marines. So it wasn’t long after that we lost touch.

Even though I had no idea when we would reconnect again, I always had this feeling that we would. It was something I just knew.

Fast forward to my divorce 17 years later... It was an extremely difficult time for me, and needless to say, I was very unhappy. Of course, I had thought about John over the years, but I had no idea where he lived and it never occurred to me to try and find out after so long. However, during a conversation one day with a woman I knew, she mentioned to me that she had reconnected with a high school friend through the Classmates.com website. At the time, I had never heard of it, but later that week I decided to check it out. Still, I wasn’t thinking about John, but as I looked through the names of my class, his immediately caught my attention. I couldn’t believe it! Was it really him? Would he even remember me?

So I e-mailed him. About a week later he wrote back and then he called. He was living in Kansas City, MO. Talking to him again was surreal. It was as though no time had passed at all, and the first night we talked the entire night! He made me laugh so much during a time when I had been so miserable. Honestly, it felt like a miracle had come into my life to help me heal from so much pain I had during those difficult days.

John and I talked a lot during those first weeks of reconnecting. He would listen to my misery, but in return, crack me up with his crazy ways. Within a month or so, he flew out to visit me. It was so weird. We were so different from the teenagers we had last seen of each other, but at the same time, we were just the same. We had a blast during the time he was here… off to San Francisco, Santa Cruz, and even to the Gilroy Garlic Festival. We called it a whirlwind weekend.

When he went home, we continued our constant phone conversations. Really, he was such a savior to me in those days. But for as much as he made me laugh, there were always those moments when I would slip back into my pity party of my circumstances.

One day, I was complaining how I had nothing to do or anyone to do anything with. I was feeling quite lonely and definitely feeling very sorry for myself. I expected him to listen supportively, when suddenly his tone changed and he really began to give it to me…

He said, “Do you know how lucky you are to live where you live? You live in California—the Bay Area! There are so many things to do there.” Yes I know, I replied. But I don’t have anyone to go with. To which he immediately replied in that big brother voice, “GO BY YOURSELF! Take your camera and go take some pictures.”

Now, although I have always been quite independent, I had never really thought to go hang out by myself. I mean, I can go shopping or do what I need to do by myself, but to go sight-seeing by myself? It is so funny to me now, but I continued to debate his suggestion by explaining that there are lots of rapes and murders, and that it would just be too dangerous for a woman to go places by herself. Then in his sarcastic tone, he says, “Then lock your car door!”

What else could I say? I had no more excuses. I no longer had someone to feel sorry for me. Instead he simply became this really good friend who had just pushed me onto a big step towards empowerment.

That upcoming weekend happened to be the weekend after 9/11. I took my camera to San Francisco and began taking pictures of all of the American flags. And there were many. It was such a difficult time for the nation, obviously. But for me, it was a time of liberation. I had my camera as company, and did not feel lonely at all. The week after, I went other places to take more pictures (and even mailed him a copy as proof of following his advice). And then, it was very soon after that I began going to the beach by myself.

Since then, going to the beach and taking pictures of the sun setting in the ocean has become a BIG part of my life. Almost all of my FYJ Newsletters feature a picture I took at the beach. And most of those times taking those pictures, I was BY MYSELF! I love going to the beach alone these days, and in fact, it has become a necessary part of my life.

These days, John and I talk every couple of weeks or so. We don’t stay up talking ALL night anymore, but we do talk a long time. He still thinks he’s my big brother and he still loves to tell me what to do (I mean, give me advice!). Although he still drives me crazy, he definitely still makes me laugh.

Oh, and as much as this pains me to say, because he is quite arrogant :-) and will probably use this against me, I am very grateful and thankful to him! He always ends our conversations with telling me that he loves me, and we both know we will be friends forever.

p.s. I really don’t like this picture I put with this post because I look terrible! However, I decided on this one because every time we talk about it, we laugh our asses off. When I originally sent him a copy, from the time he had been here to visit, he pointed out how we each have one leg on the bench. That was totally unconscious, but I simply cannot see or think about that without cracking up! But it’s interesting, because I think we do lean on each other in life, maybe it’s just a symbol of our friendship!

Who I am and who I will be

This has been a very interesting week for me. It was my first week home since being laid off from my day job. Although I have been a little restless at times, I haven’t exactly gone stir-crazy or anything with all this added time on my hands. It’s actually been a very contemplative week, and that has been a blessing.

I’ve written a lot this week—not necessarily here on the blog, because although I already share quite a bit about myself, I sometimes think I should hold back on sharing too much information! Oh, but here I go anyway…

During this week, I’ve thought a lot about who I am and who I still want to be. I’ve thought about where I want my focus to be, and have even thought about some of my relationships. The New Year is coming soon. That is my favorite holiday actually, and so, it’s been perfect having this time to “figure things out” and plan for what I want in 2008.

My life has been an amazing journey so far. I am proud that, for all I have experienced in my life I have found my way to total gratitude for having learned so much along the way. Above all, I have learned to be self-empowered. For me, that means I can always choose happiness, regardless of life’s difficulties. I clearly remember saying to myself at the age of 13, “I do not have a happy life.” I decided that then, and until a few years ago, I could never say I had a happy life and fully believe it. Now I say it with confidence. I am happy! …and even more so, I like who I am.

I still want more though. I want to Be more. I want to experience more. For all the uncertainties I still have in my life, I do have a knowing there is still much more for me. So here I am, ready for what is next. But what is that exactly?

Well, this is the part where I don’t usually share (with strangers anyway). It’s more personal, and I would never write about my specific relationships with others unless they knew about it. But this is more about ME than about them. It always is, actually.

I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of years preoccupied with what others thought of me, more specifically in my dating life. It’s been a fun time, but I haven’t exactly been attracting relationships that fully support who I am and what I want. I’ve spent more time trying to be who they wanted, not enough of being true to myself, and still expecting to be treated how I deserve to be treated. That combination doesn’t really work though, and I have spent a lot of time distracted by some of the lessons from those situations, preventing me from creating the whole life that I want for myself. Something within me needs to demand better, because I’m simply tired of settling for less.

Ok, so what did that little bit of information have to do with my week? Well, it’s a major part of my overall life refocusing. I want every part of my life to be the best it can be. There’s no more… In the meantime, I will do this… or… In the meantime, I will settle for that... I realize now that I simply want everything to be the way I want it to be! And my new focus needs to be on Being the person who will attract all of that to me… whatever I decide that will be. It’s still unfolding, but it’s definitely becoming clearer.

So again, it’s been a very interesting week. However, I must say that realizing I want to continue being happy, that I want to create even more for myself in the new year, and that I only want to experience the best relationships possible, has made it all very well worth this first week of being home with all the extra time. I cannot even imagine what will come up for me next week!

Pay attention... for the answers

Ok, I’ve been writing a lot about asking. Asking for all we want, asking and then noticing the effects in our lives, and asking even when we don’t realize we’re asking.

But what about the answers? When do we get the answers?

Ohhh, the answers do come—that I have no doubt. We just need to pay attention to know what they are.

Since I’ve found more time on my hands these days, I’ve been asking for a lot. I’ve been asking for some clarity for this next phase in my life. I’ve been a bit restless, and while I continue to keep busy, I don’t really know if what I am doing is exactly what I should be doing. So I keep asking… asking for clarity… asking for direction.

It’s only been a couple of days, but there are a few things I have already noticed.

What I don’t want. I am getting this loud and clear. Sometimes it’s hard to know what I do want. But the moment I try to make myself do something that doesn’t feel right, I can immediately recognize that it’s something I do not want. That has really been helpful. Why try to make myself do something I don’t want to do? After all, I believe I should be happy. And doing something I don’t want to do doesn’t make me happy. Ok good! That helped in getting some clarity, because I now know that what I do want is pretty much the opposite of that which I realized I don’t want.

Listening to my guidance. At this point in time of my asking, I can really hear my guidance. My interpretation of guidance are the thoughts that come to me when I’m not really trying to get the answers. I’ve asked, but then only usually “hear” answers when my mind is most relaxed again. I mean, I’m not so pre-occupied with life, or worries, or what to do next. I’m just going about my day, being cool about everything. For me, it’s like meditating while still functioning. I’m not thinking, thinking, thinking… maybe just taking a shower or washing the dishes, or driving without the radio on full blast. In those times, I get amazing ideas—ideas I might not get if my mind was so busy, busy, busy.

Seeking inspiration. After these few days of asking, I knew I needed some inspiration. I’m always telling my clients to seek inspiration, and I do know to do that for myself as well. However, today I could tell I was extra hungry for it. There are countless ways to find inspiration, but right now for me, I needed a new book. These days I read while I’m on the Stairmaster at the gym. I usually go through the books (fiction and non-fiction) fairly quickly that way. But since finishing my last book, I haven’t been able to find a new one that keeps my interest. I have many books, lots I haven’t even read yet. But it seemed no matter which one I would take to the gym, I would find myself bored of it. So today I went to the store and bought a new one. As I started reading it this evening, I realized that it's exactly what I need. Honestly, I could write a very similar book. So far, I haven’t read anything I don’t know already. However, it doesn’t matter because it is very inspiring, I really like it, and I can tell that it’s going to give me some helpful ideas (answers).

I’m sure there is much more to come for me in regards to getting answers from my current questions. I sense the answers are already coming. But will I notice when they do? I think so. I am definitely paying attention!

Back to the gym, week 1

I didn’t want to just post an inspirational note about how I got back on track of losing weight after going to the gym one day! So, I’m making myself accountable by posting how it went last week.

I went to the gym four days last week, yeah! There were a few challenges, but overall I was happy with my dedication.

Ok, so here’s my excuses for the days I didn't go...

The day I was told I was going to be laid off from work, I came home and took a nap. I wasn’t so sad or anything, but I guess I just had this feeling of… I don’t really want to think about it tonight. So I took a nap for a few hours and when I got up around 10pm, I went to 7-11 for some cupcakes. I knew that wasn’t the best idea, but as I’ve mentioned before, if I make the choice to eat it I’m going to enjoy it. So I did! I also told myself the cupcakes would be my dinner so I wouldn’t make that day of eating any worse. But then my friend came over later and we went to Weinersnitzel. It’s very close to my house, so we walked at least! I wasn’t going to get anything because it was already close to midnight, but the food smelled soooo good. I ended up having a hot dog and fries. Oh well, it was better than being depressed about losing my job. Just kidding!

I went back to the gym the very next day.

The other two days off from the gym were celebrating days.

Once a month, my sister Tracy and I go out to dinner to celebrate LIFE. Friday was our day so we went to sushi. Mmmm, sooo good. And fun company as well!

Then on Saturday, my friend Michelle and I went to Union Square for our second annual holiday trip to San Franscisco. We had a blast, and felt more than worth not going to the gym that day.

Now, it’s Sunday, and I have every intention of making it back to the gym later today. Good? Yep, I think so.

Getting what I asked for

As I mentioned before, I have more to say about the topic of asking and receiving. So here’s more…

We are constantly asking for more in life. Even if we don’t realize that we are asking, we are. Our asking isn’t just as simple as saying, something like, “I want this...” That is only one way. Our asking comes in the form of thinking about what we want and don’t want, talking about what we want and don’t want, and feeling how we feel about what we want and don’t want. All of that energy we put out as a result of how we are feeling is actually bringing us our life experience. Whatever we are focused on brings us exactly that, even if it’s not what we consciously asked for. So when we become aware of this, we understand that we always get EXACTLY what we ask for.

If this is unclear, let me share a bit more what is going on with me at the moment.

Sixteen months ago I got a “job”. Since closing my store, I have been coaching. But since it hasn’t been a full time thing for me, I decided to get a job to pay my basic bills. It wasn’t a career move by any means. It was simply something I could do that would pay some bills.

My intention was to stay at this company for one year. In the meantime, I would work on my coaching business so I would eventually do it full-time. After all, I strongly believe we should only do what we love. And coaching/inspiring people to live an empowered life is what I love most.

Well, I got complacent in my lifestyle. As I mentioned in December's FYJ Newsletter, my home-life changed last year with my daughter moving out. I got comfortable in a new routine of going to work during the day, coaching after work and on weekends, and then doing whatever else I wanted to do the rest of the time. It’s been good, but that feeling of wanting to coach, teach or doing something related full-time has never left me. In fact, it’s a continuous feeling that sharing inspiration needs to be the biggest part of my life. But as I said, I got comfortable with my daily habit of working. It was just easy to go to work for a paycheck, and not worry about building any business or creating anything bigger for myself.

This past summer, as my one year anniversary at work approached, I started thinking more consciously about my original intent of only staying there a year. But I hadn’t done enough to really do anything about leaving the job. So I simply stayed. In the last several months I became less and less content with doing that job. It was simply too boring for me. I loved everyone I worked with though, so I ignored my feelings about being uncomfortable. I still felt uncomfortable, but ignored it. This is what I mean about wanting more, but not paying attention to what we’re asking for, regardless.

I was actually asking to live my life doing only that which I love. My energy was low when I went to work. My enthusiasm for what I was doing was even lower. I just did what I had to do at work and nothing more, even though I am capable of so much more. I focused on the other parts of my life to make it easier to ignore my unease at work, and used the excuse that I liked everyone at work so that I wouldn’t have to admit to myself that I wasn't really happy there.

But there was no doubt in my mind, when I allowed myself to think about it, I needed to move on.

A few weeks ago my company announced that they were doing cut backs, and that meant layoffs for my area. Now, I have not planned to NOT be working, so it’s not like I should have been happy about that news. But I was ecstatic! I felt like I was going to be free! Finally, I thought to myself, I can spend more time doing what I love! But wait… how am I really going to deal with this? I am not prepared for this change.

I KNOW that I am getting exactly what I was asking for. I wanted a change. I needed a change. And I asked for this change!

While everyone else in the company has been stressed and worried about their job, I found myself with more energy than I had had in months. I didn’t exactly volunteer to get laid off, but I told them that I would be fine with being the first one to go. So I was, and Friday was my last day.

It's good. Now, I am taking a new road on my journey. I have ideas of what I’m going to do, but don’t know how it will turn out exactly. I’m moving forward with confidence that all is well.

When I left my real job (my 14 year career in high tech) in 2003 to open a business, I had taken a class called “Creating the work you love” with Rick Jarow. In that class I got the courage to follow my guidance—the guidance within me telling me to move on. The teacher said something like, “If your guidance is asking you to do something more, why wouldn’t the Universe support you in getting it?” That statement felt so true, and has since always given me courage to go on with what I really want to do. I know that I will be supported and I know that I will always ok. I have experienced enough life transitions to know that I always land in a better place, and so I am not worried at all. In fact, I am excited!

This life is amazing. Although we always get what we ask for, sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are exactly where we need to be in order to get it. There’s still much to do, and I am so happy to get started.

More to come… as always!

Inspirational friendship

I am blessed to have great friends. One of my most special and unique relationships is with my friend Jenny.

When I opened For Your Journey Inspirational Center (for those of you who don’t know, it was an inspirational book store, gift shop, with offerings of yoga classes and self-discovery workshops) I met Jenny as a customer. She started coming to FYJ soon after I opened, in the Fall of 2003. She was the sweetest. As she looked through the books, she would tell me about herself and of her dreams. She had such an inspiring story of how she came from Sweden to pursue her dreams here in America. She was a student at the time, but talked of doing such big and remarkable things in the future. I just remember thinking to myself, “This girl wants to save the world, and I just know she’s going to do it.”

She became a regular at the store, and within a couple of months, during one of our conversations I shared with her about wanting to take a vacation. I knew I couldn’t go so shortly after opening my store, but as she listened to me, she eagerly volunteered to run the store for me so I could go. Even though I had only known her a short time, I totally trusted that she could do it. It was as though I had known her all of my life.

Well, for those of you who know Jenny from FYJ, you know that she loved the place just as much as I did. I could never pay her very much, but she was so loyal anyway, and I cannot express the gift she was to my life… while the store was open, and ever since!

Jenny and I have a very special friendship. It’s one like I have never known before. Sometimes friends bond over the difficulties of life (I have friends like that as well). It is so easy to get sucked into the “reality” that life is hard. And the more we talk about it, the more we agree how “true” it is. That way of talking is so easy to fall into (even for an empowerment coach like me!). Even though we want something better than what we’re talking about, the problem is that we are focused on what we DON’T want. And that is not helpful at all in attracting what we DO want!

My friendship with Jenny, however, is pure inspiration. When we talk, we can go on for hours, discussing all of the possibilities in life. We each have our unique dreams. However, in our conversations we focus on how they are all going to come true. Yes, we do acknowledge what is true today, but as we discuss what we want, we fully support each other in believing what is true today isn’t what needs to be true tomorrow. We know that anything we want is possible. And so when we discuss all that we want, we have a knowing that we can have it. Then, as we leave each other after having had such a highly inspired conversation, we leave with an excitement like I have never shared with anyone else before.

Everyone should be so blessed to have such a supportive someone to share their dreams with. Everyone should be surrounded by people who support them with everything they want. In fact, much of my coaching is simply giving people permission to want what they want. If you don’t have friends who support you in what you want, set the intention to attract them into your life. Support your friends with their dreams, and see how they return the favor. Or simply seek out more friends. We all want to be happy, and having friends who support our dreams is definitely an inspirational way to live our lives.

Jenny is off to Sweden for the holidays. I am sure going to miss her!

Jenny's business is Life and Harmony Coaching and her new Blog is in progress!

Back to the gym

Last spring I decided I wanted to lose some weight. So back in May I joined a gym and began going quite religiously. I’m not athletic by any means, but it actually started becoming fun. And although the weight was coming off extremely slow, I definitely felt the difference. My confidence increased while the pounds decreased, and while I still had a ways to go until I hit my goal, I really was feeling great!

Sometime in the last three or four weeks, however, I stopped going to the gym. Until then I had a routine. I’m a night person, so I would come home from my day, rest for awhile, then hit the gym around 8 or 9pm. I would be there for an hour or so, come home, take a shower, and then go to bed feeling really good.

But as I said, I simply stopped going. I cannot even remember why. With the weather changing, it's just been easier to come home and stay home. But the weight is starting to creep back up. And the more I focus on it, the heavier the pounds are starting to feel. Ughhh. I’ve lost good amounts of weight a couple of times before, only to have gained more back than I’ve lost. So, I remember the frustration as I wondered the purpose of doing all that work for seemingly no reason. But I am not that person who thinks that way anymore. I choose to be empowered and now prefer to be responsible for creating what I want for myself!

So how can I stop this self-sabotage? How do I get myself back on track to looking and feeling good? Well, I started thinking about the time of year it is. Why go back to the gym now? After all, it’s the holidays. People often stop working out during this time, then restart their workout routines in the New Year. So maybe I’ll just wait until then? Nooo. I need to go back to the gym sooner than that.

So for the last week or so, I have said to myself that I'll go back tomorrow. Every day, the same thing. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

This morning I thought, TODAY. I am going back today. I didn’t have any big plans for the day, so I’d take it easy, work on my coaching stuff, and then go to the gym this evening. It was all planned out. Finally!

Around 5pm my friend called and asked if I’d like to go out for a drink tonight. Yes, of course I would! It was on. I now had plans for the night and was very excited. As I got back into my work though, it suddenly hit me that my first plan was to go to the gym tonight. Ahhh man, now I'll have to wait until tomorrow to go. No, I CANNOT wait another day!

So I immediately got myself up off the couch, changed into my gym clothes and went to the gym. I couldn’t think about it anymore. I just had to go. Now I am so proud of myself. Although I only stayed about 45 minutes, (I guess the lack of working out lately made those 45 minutes quite tiring) I am still very happy I went, especially because I should be more motivated to go back tomorrow.

Now, I’m off to get ready for my night out. Although I’ll probably drink more calories than I worked off this evening, at least I feel hopeful that I'll soon be back on track. Yeah! Have a great evening. I sure will!

Sisters

I usually describe myself as being raised as an only child. I actually have four sisters and one brother. However, for the most part, I wasn’t really raised with them. I was raised mostly by my dad, my paternal grandmother and my uncle. Because of my non-traditional upbringing, most of my life I’ve had this kind of a negative attitude about family relationships. I always felt something big lacking in regards to family, and wore the idea of having no “real” family like it was a badge or something. It’s how I defined myself. I would explain that although I did have siblings, I wasn’t raised with any of them, so that was why we weren’t very close.

My brother and I have the same father and different mothers. But my sisters and I have the same mother and different fathers. I have two older sisters with whom I have the most memories from childhood. When I would visit them and my mom while growing up, my sisters would take turns taking me places, like to the movies or with them to hang out with their friends’. Although I felt like they were babysitting me, those were still very special times. However, I think because it was so painful to always be leaving them, as I grew, I simply blocked the potential for any real sisterly feelings. Then as an adult, it was just easier for me to use the circumstance of being raised separately as an excuse for not being closer to them.

As for my two younger sisters, they were born when I was already a teenager. While I loved being close to them when they were little, my mom moved to Denver when they were young. So, since I missed most of their childhood, there was my excuse for not being close to them either.

However, this past year something big has shifted for me in my relationships with my sisters. I’m not even sure how or why, but something is definitely different. I have come to absolutely LOVE my sisters!

The two younger ones are grown now, and still don’t live in California, so unfortunately I don’t see or even talk to them often. However, one is a mother now, and the other one happens to be celebrating her birthday today, and so I really do think of them more these days.

My older sisters, however, have become extra special to me. They are both married and have their own lives, but as I said, something has shifted in my feelings for them. I talk to them much more these days. I enjoying being with them more. And I simply appreciate them more than ever.

In thinking about how this happened, I would have to say that I am a little surprised. After all, my two older sisters and I are all now in our 40’s. So I would think that if we haven’t been able to be close up to now, it would probably never happen. However, I believe it is something within ME that has changed. Maybe I have let my guard down, finally allowing myself to receive the love they have always tried to give me. One of them has always tried to be closer to me, but I never really knew how to reciprocate. But in a recent conversation with my other sister, she began telling me how much I was always loved. She said that when I would visit them as a child, I was so special, that the two of them would fight for my attention. No way, I replied. That is not the way I remember it at all! I had always felt like such a burden, coming to visit and disturbing their lives. I honestly believed that I was unwanted. So I cannot even describe how shocking it was to hear how they really felt about me—all these years later.

I was never unwanted. I was always loved. But I didn’t know that, because as I grew I continued to believe what I created in my mind as a child.

These days, I am so happy because I am free from that misguided belief. It's so much easier now to allow the love from my sisters into my life. I can appreciate that I do have a real family, and in fact, had one all along. I now accept their love and freely give my love to them in return. And while it feels long overdue, it is definitely not too late!

So here’s to ALL my very special sisters today, with love.

** After I wrote this post, I thought it would be nice to add a picture of the three of us older sisters from when we were little. I never remember seeing this particular picture before, but this is what I found as I went through what I had. It immediately stood out to me because my sisters are hugging me as if to have me for themselves. How cool for me to find this now! On the back, my mom wrote, "Late Christmas for Donna, Jan 1970" I still have that stuffed dog today too. His name is Marky.





** And here we are today... all grown up.





p.s. My sister Tracy is a huge inspiration to me these days. I am thinking of her much today as well. She is living her own amazing journey and has gone through an amazing transformation. You can read all about it on Tracy's Blog.

p.s.s. I’ll write about my very special brother (who I am soooo proud of) another day!

The thing about asking

Oh, I am so sorry, but I forgot to warn you about an important consequence of asking for all you want! (This is a follow up to my post last week, “ALL I want” from 11/26/07.)

First, let me explain a funny thing about me… I am very courageous when it comes to the big things in life (not so much the little things, but I’ll leave that for a different day). I can make life transitions easily… well, maybe “easily” is not the right word. I think I simply replace the fear of the unknown with a knowing that all will be well. I don’t worry about the future because I have been through enough tough times to know that the future is always BETTER than from where I’ve been. In my head, I do sometimes think I’m crazy when I don’t worry. I think to myself, “I should probably be worrying about this!” But I simply don’t. As one of my favorite quotes goes, "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength." -Mary Englebreit

And one thing I hate to feel is weak, so not worrying just feels better to me.

Now as a new life transition is happening to me again, I’m in a place where someone else in my shoes may just be a little worried about things. My friends are telling me they are always amazed when they see how I don’t worry about things like this. I just remain in my usual state of optimism, especially because I know that I brought this transition upon myself. After all, I asked for it!

Then this led me to think about what I have suggested to you in asking for all you want. I have practiced the asking, the unknowns, and the transitions enough to know what I was getting myself into when I suggested such a thing for us all. I knew, for myself, that I was going to shake up my world. It simply makes sense that if I am asking for bigger and better things, that situations in my life would have to change in order for those things to come. I have understood this for awhile. But, I sometimes forget that people who listen to me may not know that.

Certainly, when I meet my clients for the first time, I warn them what they are getting into. I know that if they are at the point of coming to talk to me, they must be asking questions about their lives. We all want to understand our lives and we want to be happy. And when we don’t understand or are not as happy as we suspect you could be, we start asking those life questions. That is what I did! And from my years of speaking to so many of you, I get that is what you are doing as well.

Anyway, back to my warning, haha… If you are asking for more, hold on. You may very well experience unexpected shifts in your life (relationships, financial, etc). You may think, “This is not what I was asking for.” Maybe it isn’t exactly what you envisioned, but this is what sometimes happens in order to give you what you ARE asking for. Sometimes people give up in times like this because although they do want more, the change around them gets scary. And sometimes people simply stop asking for more because the change is just too much for them. I understand—the unknown can definitely be unsettling.

For me, I am in the place of change again (and as always). Although I didn't know exactly what would happen, I did expect something because as I said, I asked for it. And I am aware of what that means for my life, even if it’s uncomfortable for awhile. Right now, there are unknowns going on for me, and I admit it is a little unsettling. At the same time though, it’s actually very exciting! I feel movement in my life and that feeling, above all the uncertainty, helps me know that what I’m asking for is coming.

I have many more thoughts on this topic, so there may be more to come from me. In the meantime though, please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. This is one area where I have experienced much, and I am always very willing to help you along on your journey as well. Above all though, know that if you do have the courage to stick with your asking, and the unknown changes it may bring, it is very well worth it. You will land in the place you are seeking, and it will simply be wonderful!

Owning my choices

Fortunately, I’m not one for regrets. For me, it never made much sense to regret past choices. Yes, I do sometimes think back and wish I would have made a different choice. However, there’s nothing I can do to change what has already happened. So I could say that I am usually pretty good at spending as little time as possible thinking about the “what ifs”.

When it comes to making new choices, however, my feelings are a little different. Whenever I’m conflicted about what to do, I spend lots of time thinking about the consequences of making a particular choice. How will I know which is the better choice? And, even if I don’t regret my choice afterwards, will I still look back and wish I would have made a different one? It’s almost as though I have feelings of regret beforehand, and this is where I usually spend too much time being unsure about myself or what to do.

A couple of days ago I had to make a choice. It wasn’t a difficult choice really, rather something as simple as wanting to ask someone a question. However, with this particular person I was unsure about how he would take the question. I was actually concerned about how I would be perceived by asking this question! Therefore, the idea of not asking the question was just as appealing to me as actually asking.

While there’s much more to the situation than I’m sharing here, I got something quite important for myself as I went through all of the possible outcomes from making my decision to ‘ask this question’. I realized that what I really want is the answer to my question. And, whatever the outcome or whatever this person would think of me by asking was not the issue. Asking the question was simply more important to me than what this person would think of me.

So I made a choice to ask the question, but even more importantly, simply own my choice.

Well, this is the part where I bet you think I tell you how well it worked out. Not necessarily. I didn’t even get an answer to my question. And although one might think that if I would have chosen to not ask the question, that would have been the better choice, I do not think so. I think making the choice, and being happy that I made that choice, is the best thing for me. The outcome doesn’t really matter.

I often get asked by my clients about choices they should make for their lives. I really try not to answer those questions because they are not my choices to make. However, one thing I do often say is, make whatever choice you want and then be happy with that choice. That is actually a much more empowering place to be. Have you ever eaten a piece of cake, saying all along, “I shouldn’t be eating this.”? That is not an empowering act. Owning your choice is. So if you make the choice to eat that cake, ENJOY IT!

Or, if you are like me and have NEVER been conflicted about whether to eat a piece of cake (Haha), rather find yourself instead in a crazy decision-making place like me about whether or not to ask someone a question, make your choice and just be proud of yourself no matter what.

Oh, and before you find yourself regretting anything as a result of your choices, I once read a very inspirational quote that went something like this… “Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted” Now that is an empowering way to look at choice!

Moods

Last night as I went to sleep I was in a really good mood. I even remember thinking how good it felt as I climbed into my bed with my freshly washed sheets.

This morning, however, was a completely different story. I had to get up a bit earlier than usual. Believe me, I don’t get up early at all. For me, “early” is actually much later than for most! I am just not a morning person, so anytime I have to get up before my usual time, I tend to be a bit grouchy. So, I did what I needed to do out of my normal schedule this morning, and that was fine. But I just had that “off” feeling. Then as my day progressed I noticed that my mood wasn’t getting any better. In fact, I had an attitude with a couple of people, which then seemed to lead me to start thinking about all the things in my life that were not going the way I wanted them to go. I started thinking about all the people in my life who are not doing what I want them to do, and even began getting mad. Why won’t they just do what I want them to do? Why are they so thoughtless? Ughhh!

Ok, so it’s now after noon time and I’ve had enough of this grouchiness. I could go on and on all day thinking about all the things that are going wrong for me. I could continue to make the rest of the poor people around me today feel miserable because I simply feel like treating them the way I’m feeling right now.

But I’ve decided to just stop!

I’m getting back to the place that I know feels better. There are thousands of things going right in my life. There are millions of things to be happy about and millions of things to be grateful for. I can choose a different mood starting right now. So I have.

And do you know what? Simply spending these few minutes writing this post today, I already feel so MUCH better! And even during the time of writing this post, I got a call for a lunch appointment for this weekend that I am quite excited about. (That’s my proof for the Law of Attraction!)

Anyway, it’s nice to know that the quality of my life is as simple as making a choice. Sometimes the bad mood just seems to creep out of nowhere. But for me, the shortest amount of time I can stay in that uncomfortable place the better. So… back to my day, but with a much better mood. Hope you have a great day, because I sure will!

Donna

p.s. By synchronicity, I ran across this quote today....
"Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, 'This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.'" - Louis L'Amour

ALL I Want

Each year-end/new year I offer a Setting Intentions workshop. I love doing this workshop because I really enjoy sharing a process which helps people attract more easily what they want for themselves. As with all of my teaching and coaching, I only share what personally works for me. And since I set my own intentions using this process, I can share this knowledge with confidence.

Lately however, while working on some ideas for my own life, I began thinking about the upcoming New Year. I love this time of year because it always seems so much easier to make fresh starts in areas I want to change. After all, that is the idea behind New Year resolutions.

I have to admit though, this year-end has been very interesting for me in regards to coming up with areas in which I make fresh starts. I am simply finding it difficult to come up with anything too big. Of course, there’s always the relationship thing, the money thing, the weight-loss thing, the career thing, etc… But I have been working in all those areas, and while there’s definitely always more progress to be made, there still seems to be something more missing other than just the idea of accelerating the success in those areas. And so I am wondering… Am I really thinking about all I want? In a big way?

I don’t think so.

Over the last couple of years, I have noticed not only for me, but also for some of my clients, that asking for all we want can be a challenge. Even some of you who come to my Setting Intentions workshops have trouble identifying what to set an intention for exactly. And this is where I am finding myself as well. But why the lack of clarity?

I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately...

What is coming to me is that I am afraid to ask for all that I want. Afraid? Why would I be afraid to ask for something I want? Other people seem to do it so easily. Although I do have an idea of where this difficulty for me comes from, I’ve decided not to focus on that, rather simply decided to work through the fear of it.

This New Year I am going to be asking for ALL that I want. I am really going to work on this list. I am not only going to come up with a long list, I am going to think about all the reasons why I want all those things. Remembering that I deserve it all is key. But what is also important is that I am going to go full out, go into detail, think big, and start asking for it ALL. Enough of this small thinking. Enough of this small asking. I want it ALL, and as soon as possible.

Join me by thinking of ALL that you want for yourself as well. Don’t put limits on what you want. Don’t worry about the feasibility of having those things. Don’t think about how you will actually get those things. Just ask. And ask for it ALL!

So watch out… I think there will soon be an offering for the “ALL I Want” workshop. After all, as I said, I teach what I learn for myself. More to come…

Donna

More sharing

In between my newsletters I often think of things I'd like to share. However, the process of creating newsletters is time-consuming, so I don't usually send them out as much as I'd like, thus missing opportunities to share more with you. So this blog is my latest idea for keeping you more up to date with my sharing.

More to come... Hope you enjoy.

Donna
http://www.foryourjourney.com