It's 2009!

Obviously, I took the last quarter of 2008 off from blogging. However, I did start up again in the New Year with a brand new blog--this time limiting my writing to one particular area of my life. You can now find my 2009 posts at http://thebestdonna.blogspot.com/

I will be posting in the new blog until May 2009, at least. After that, I may be back to this blog. Stay tuned... : )

More to say...

Well, maybe taking a break from blogging wasn't such a good idea. I have had lots to say and no way to get it out when I wasn't writing, ha! Just kidding!

All is very well, so I'll be back very soon...

Life is good and I am extremely grateful!

Deliberate and stress-free

This morning started out just as I wanted... lied around until I felt like taking a shower and then getting out for the day. I got my car washed and then hung out at the bookstore for awhile. I was pleasantly surprised to run into a former customer from my FYJ days. She's doing well and it was so nice to hear about her personal growth since I've last heard from her. It continues to be such a great reminder that the place I created had such a positive impact in so many people's lives.

Later I went to my friend's house. As she fixed dinner, I simply hung out, drank wine, and shared my usual stories. We had a very enjoyable time as always, that is until...

She has a new WII. Is that from Nintendo? I think so. Anyway, it's a video game. I'm sure most people of this world know about and enjoy this game! But I don't. In my distant past, I'm sure I tried playing something at some point, but I'm simply not interested. Today, as my enthusiastic friend encouraged me to play her new game, all I ended up feeling was stressed out. I was supposed to be having fun and enjoying myself, but I didn't!

I played several games, but finally decided to stop. I liked playing the games in order to get the right answers. And at the level I was playing that was fairly easy. However, I quickly realized that although I enjoyed the challenge of trying to get the right answers, it was being timed that I didn't like. I just didn't enjoy feeling as though I had to race against the clock. I simply wanted to go at my own pace and get the right answer.

So, of course, how I was feeling then led me to self-reflect on how I like to do other things. As I've shared before, I don't like to be stressed out. In fact, it's rare that I do stress, simply because I don't like the feeling. So playing the video games today, and getting stressed out by them, gave me a lot to think about myself. In life, I like to feel as though I make the best decisions for myself. I'm deliberate in how I do almost everything. I like to feel as though I'm making the right choice, regardless of how long it takes to make it. At this point in my life, I no longer compare myself to anyone else, or compare how I live with how anyone else lives. I simply follow that which feels best for me. But if I'm feeling rushed or feeling as though I have to make a quick decision, I get stressed out!

Believe me, I do many things quickly. I talk fast. I walk fast. I definitely drive fast. And I do much of my work fast. But if there's something I have to do, and I don't necessarily know how to do it well, then I need time. And in order to get a good score in a video game, I don't have time!

Well, this certainly is no major topic, rather just today's interesting self-observation. I'm not stressed at this moment (the wine helped!) And I'm definitely not upset about anything either. It's actually been a pretty good day. I'm simply perfectly content to never play a video game again! : )

Thankfully, the weekend is not over yet. One more day to do something stress-free! Yeah!!

I set it up this way

It’s only the Saturday of a three-day weekend and I already know it’s a great weekend. I’m not even getting all three days off from work either. In fact, I worked a bit today and plan on working some on Monday as well. I’m not required to work, rather made a choice to do so.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been busier than usual. I usually have an easy schedule in which I have plenty of time to come home at the end of my day, hang out for awhile, go to the gym, meet friends for coffee, or simply come home and take a nap! But my days really haven’t been that way lately. In fact, I haven’t even been to the gym in about two weeks!

The other day as I was complaining to my daughter about being tired, I said that I needed a break, to which she responded by saying, “Your whole life is a break!” We laughed, because that’s pretty much true. I have set it up to be exactly this way. I love this particular time in my life. I’ve already raised my daughter and am not currently in a serious relationship, so all my time is my own. I enjoy doing only what I want to do and when I want to do it.

However, when I’m not remembering how I’ve set up my life to be (for this point in time), I often think about the areas of my life that are not as I want them to be. I think about who’s not doing what I want them to do or what’s not happening as I think it should be happening. But when I really look at my life and lifestyle as I’ve now set it up, I realize that I really do love it the way it is. This doesn’t mean I will want it exactly this way forever. But I know when I want it to be different I can set it up another way. After all, I do have plenty of options and opportunities.

In a movie I went with my sister to see today, there was a character who was very much enjoying her experience. She simply followed what made her happy. But there came a point in her experience when she started thinking about what she wanted. She stopped following her feelings and started thinking about it, which then made her experience no longer happy to her.

I am reminded of Joseph Campbell’s quote, “Follow your bliss.”

In a conversation with my sister after our movie today, I recalled much of what I’m writing about tonight. I talked about how much I love my life as it is. I talked about how I’ve set up my life to be easy, stress-free, worry-free and very flexible. I talked about how I do whatever I want and whenever I want to do it. I talked about how I simply follow that which makes me happy.

So, this long weekend I have a good opportunity to get things back to how I want them to be. Since I can do whatever, I decided to work a bit extra, go dancing with my friends, go to the movies with my sister, cancel plans to attend a barbeque I was invited to, and to sleep in on Sunday! THIS is how I want it.

Yes, there will always be more that I want out of life. I will always strive for more of this or that, but as my life is today, I love it and I’m grateful.

Tomorrow after sleeping in, because I want to, I will probably just spend the day with myself… maybe lie around for awhile, get my car washed, go to the bookstore, get back to the gym and/or have something special for dinner… We’ll see!

What a great life… just the way I want it!

The Universe works it out

Yesterday was a crazy day, and I found it hard to articulate anything meaningful to say. Today was yet another interesting day, but I’m in a better state of mind to write. And so I’ll try.

All I can say about these days of mine, is that they sure are interesting. Life is pretty cool for me right now, and I find it so amazing to observe it, which is also why I like to write about it. There are so many things that I want to write about though, that sometimes I spend more time trying to figure out which thing to pick for the day, than I actually take to write.

So here’s what I found most interesting today (among some close seconds)…

Today was sort of planned for me. I would go to my office job, go home afterwards and get my uncle some dinner, and then go with my daughter to pick up her wedding dress. It would be a fun day, but I also very much looked forward to the hours after all that was done so as to be able to come home and lay on the couch. I get so little time for that these days!

Well, first I was pleasantly surprised to be able to have lunch with my daughter. We had good conversation and I was very happy to spend the time with her. I looked forward to seeing her later in the day as well, and even though she was starting to complain about a headache, I fully expected to see her a few hours later.

As I wrapped up my day at the office, my daughter called to say her headache got worse, and that she wanted to reschedule her dress appointment until next week. I was initially disappointed for her because she had seemed so excited earlier, but did end up sensing she was fine with her decision to postpone her appointment.

So, ok… I decided to go home and take my uncle out for an earlier dinner. But on my way home I got a call from a friend. He had had a court date today for his divorce and really needed a friend. I agreed to meet him for a quick drink before I actually went home.

When I saw him, he looked sad. We went in the restaurant and sat down. He didn’t want to sit across from me in the booth, rather right next to me. Initially I wasn’t comfortable with that, but he said he needed to be close to his friend. So it was fine. As he talked about his day, and as I saw how upset he was, all I could do was have compassion for him. He is such in a bad emotional place. I listened as he talked about his “failure”, which seemed to bring back my own memories of the days I had like his today. Now healed myself, I so wanted him know that how he feels today is only temporary.

I think I did a good job at balancing my listening, my comforting words, and my words of encouragement for moving on in his life. Although I wouldn’t say he was better by the time we left, he seemed extremely grateful to me for being there for him.

When I came home, my uncle seemed ready to go back to his own home. We talked about what would be best, and it seemed today would be a good day. He packed his things, I took him to dinner, and then made the 3-hour round trip to take him home and back.

As I sit here tonight alone again, doing laundry, writing, and wondering what time I’ll actually get to sleep tonight, I am grateful for how the day actually turned out for me. I don’t wish the headache on my daughter, the pain my friend is going through, or the surgery my uncle is recovering from. I care so much about these people and I only want the best for them. But I’m happy that I am able to be part of their lives. I’m happy that I am able to contribute to them in the best way I know how. I feel the gratitude they have for me, and in return I have it for them as well.

I’m not always good with changes in my plans (just ask my friends!) But the Universe worked out my real plans for today, and I don’t mind at all. I had also planned to lie around my house most of this weekend to catch up on some rest, but have suddenly been invited to many things that it seems my weekend is sure to be full after all. I’ll work out my resting time, because above all, I am happy where I am today and the direction I’m headed… a continuous good life!

My dollar sundae!

I was extremely close to missing my writing tonight. Not that anyone really reads these posts. They are mostly for me. I’m just tracking my personal realizations for awhile to make sure I’m staying focused on living the happiest life possible. And sometimes reading what I wrote helps me see myself clearer… like looking in a mirror.

Anyway, I almost didn’t write a post today. I’m still very tired. But that wouldn’t really have stopped me. I almost didn’t write because I got sick this evening. I don’t usually eat dinner. Living alone, I just pick at whatever I have around the house, or maybe eat a snack at the most. But since my uncle is staying with me I needed to get something for dinner. I had some food left over from Sunday’s party. I’m not sure that it was bad because my uncle is just fine. But I started feeling very uncomfortable soon after I ate. I was thinking that I just over-ate or that maybe because as I was warming up the food, I was snacking on brownies, and that is what was causing my stomach ache. I don’t really know.

But the feeling was getting worse and worse by the moment. I started feeling as though I was going to vomit. And I am an anti-vomit person!! I will do anything I can to avoid that action from taking place. The feeling in my stomach was just getting worse though, and finally I knew I had no choice…

Well, I did what I had to do. Afterwards, I stretched out on my couch quietly moaning from my experience and from the still lingering upset feelings. Yuuuucky. Then, slowly over the last hour or two I started beginning to feel like myself again.

And then even better!

So what suddenly comes to me? I want a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds! I ask my uncle if he wants one and so we get into my car, me in my ponytail, shorts and flip-flops, and he in his pj’s : ) and we hit the drive-thru at McDonalds. I get my dollar hot fudge sundae and he gets a small vanilla shake.

Well, I just finished mine and I feel amazing again!

Sooo, that’s it. I just found something to be very excited and grateful about tonight. Yes, there are many usual things to be happy about, but I found my unique one for the day. Thank goodness for McDonald drive-thru’s and for dollar hot fudge sundaes! I will fall sleep feeling very happy tonight : )

My runaway thoughts

Surprisingly, it’s a bit hard to explain the intense feelings I had earlier today. This is extremely good news actually! As I sit here tonight on my comfy couch, now a bit rested and stress-free, it’s amazing to think how different things were for me just a few hours ago. I have no desire to re-live the feelings I had today. I just thought it would be interesting to write about because so much of my day was spent observing my thoughts… my runaway negative thoughts!

I had to get up at 4am to take my uncle to the hospital. He was having his gall bladder removed. These days, it’s a minor surgery and patients leave the same day. So we were to be at the hospital at 5:30am, which we were. I expected to be there about 4 hours maximum and had even planned on going to work after lunchtime.

But that was not meant to be. First, I was extremely sleepy. I had a very busy weekend and didn’t get enough rest by the time I had to get up this morning. Once I got my uncle situated where he needed to be, I was able to go to my car and get a bit more rest. But two hours later as I went back up to his room, he was still not back from surgery/recovery. The nurse said it would be another hour or two. Fine. I went to the cafeteria and had breakfast, then out to my car for a bit longer. Awhile later, I again went up to the room. Again, I was told an hour or two more.

This was the pattern for most of the mid-morning to lunch time. I kept being told an hour or two more. Apparently my uncle was fine, but the time continued to drag.

Finally, around 12:30pm he was back in his room. But the first thing the nurse said was that he needed to stay until 3pm because the doctor had prescribed another dose of a medicine that needed to be taken then. I had had enough! Important to note, I hate being in hospitals! My uncle has been there so much over the last few years, and even more so this year, that I think I’ve simply run out of tolerance for being there. Honestly, it doesn’t have anything to do with my uncle. I want to help him. I just don’t ever want to go to a hospital again!

So the day was getting extremely frustrating for me. Each time I heard that it would be an hour or two more I felt everything inside of me tense up. I felt as though I was in prison and badly needed to escape. I hadn’t planned on staying there so long, so I didn’t even have a book to read. And my thoughts just kept getting more and more negative as the day progressed.

I was reminded recently that the thoughts we have attract like thoughts. In other words, the type of thoughts one is thinking is immediately followed by other similar thoughts. Good thoughts lead to other good thoughts. And negative thoughts lead to other negative thoughts. And I was definitely having negative thoughts today.

I was thinking how stuck I felt there… which led to thinking how many times I’ve been in a hospital and not liking it… which led to how I wasn’t making any money today because I wasn’t working… which led to thinking how upset I am with certain family members who do not work and who didn’t help out today… which led to thinking about my bigger family problems… which led to how hard my life has been ever since I was born!!!! It was CRAZY!

The funny thing about it all… seriously, it was funny… was that I was fully aware of this runaway thought process. During it, I understood what was happening. I recalled what I had heard about thoughts attracting like thoughts. So I knew what was happening. And it was as though I also had another thought process going on simultaneously. I was amused at what I was doing. I was trying to stop the runaway thinking, and would interrupt it by thinking of something in my life that was going positively. But then, the negative thoughts just came rushing back. I then thought how freeing it would be once I got out of there. I mean, they would eventually have to let us go! I could only imagine! So a moment of peace… then the negative thoughts just came right back.

Eventually it was as though I had two conversations going on in my head at the same time. The one that just wanted to complain about being stuck in that hospital, along with every single other bad thing in my life, and the other one that found it very amusing and simply told Donna to just chill out! Honestly, I did find it amusing among all the chaos going on in my head.

At 4:30pm, 11 hours after we arrived, my uncle was finally discharged. He actually got through his ordeal today very well (yes, I am very aware that he was the one who needed the attention today, not my ridiculous thoughts!) I’ve since brought him home with me so I can keep an eye on him for a couple of days. And now all is well again!

Crazy day… but I’m very happy to report that all the voices in my head are calm tonight! And life is good again. Thank goodness! : )